queerasglee | "You're my best friend."

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"You're my best friend."

Who: Andrew Pearson and Lilah Ryckaert
What: BFFs hanging out
Where: Andrew's apartment, Pittsburgh
When: A few days after the crash

Andrew was, gratefully, at the end of another long shift but this time he didn't feel like he wanted to go home and pass out straight away. When Lilah texted him to ask if he was doing anything after work, he happily agreed they should hang out. It had been far too long. He wasn't interested in drinking or clubbing, though. Sometimes they would frequent Babylon together, even if she was female, she still could appreciate the fine art of a gorgeous half-naked gay body. Who couldn't? Plus, she took it upon herself to make it her job to get Andy hooked up, because it had been a long time since he had. His last lover, Daniel, had to move back to New York to take a job he couldn't pass up and their relationship didn't survive the distance. They were still close, but it came to its natural end. They had a friends with benefits thing now if they were in the same place at the same time.

He was dressed right down in sweats and a tank, bare-feet and his hair lightly tussled after a shower when he got home fro work. He carried a couple of sodas and a large bowl of popcorn through to his living room and handed it to Lilah, who was scrolling through the movie options on TV. They lived in the same apartment block, so it was weird they didn't hang out as much as they should, but they both worked ridiculous hours and it was hard to find the time lately. "I just want my fucking car back," he lamenting, slightly huffy. He knew it had been an accident, but walking to and from work was getting tiresome.

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"Well, that and the fact that you're physically hurt, even if it's not a major thing... When you're not a hundred percent, of course things are going to catch up with you a little bit. But honestly, hon, I don't think I remember ever seeing you quite like this before." It was true. Andrew had definitely had his times when he was down in the dumps about various things, but never to this level. This whole thing had really gotten to him on a far deeper level than it ordinarily would've, and she let herself go totally silent, sipping her soda as Andrew began to explain.

The two overly-oiled men going at it on the screen were forgotten as Lilah's attention focused in entirely on the fag to her hag. Granted, Andy was only half-fag, but they still wore the titles of fag and hag with pride, just as the flip side of lesbros. She let him say his piece before giving him a firm nod of understand. "You like Blaine's dad. You like him, but he gave you that Fuck Off vibe hardcore. Or maybe liked him... What is it, Andy? Do you still like him? I can't say for sure not knowing the guy, but there's a distinct possibility that the GTFO vibes are a protective, self-preservational kind of deal. Obviously, I can't diagnose the guy without sitting down with him, and I really can't do that when my professional responsibility is to Blaine, but just the same... Sounds like he's trying to prevent the feelings that he associates with losing his other half by somehow protecting Blaine from it, and maybe protecting himself, too? It's misguided, and really isn't helping either of them in the long run, but it's very typical of the diagnosis you're talking about. Blaine mentioned to me about his dad dying when he was a little guy. The other dad... He's probably grasping at straws trying to save what he has, but managing to push it all away instead. I don't know, babe... That's a fuckton of baggage. And seriously? Rude... If the bastard was going to rear-end you, at least he could've bought you dinner first." She smiled warmly, trying to lighten the mood just a bit, if only because it pained her heart to see her best friend hurt in any way. "Hey, you never know. But whoever the love of your life turns out to be, he or she better not have a problem with you having a fantastic fag hag... I'm not above cutting a bitch."

Andrew gave an indifferent shrug. "Can't even blame a sex injury. Got rammed up the ass and all I got was this lousy case of near-whiplash. Not really. Just soft tissue strain, but I feel like I need a vacation or something. The whole situation has baffled me. I've never dealt with anything like it before. Plus I miss Dan and I miss Abi. They were going to try and arrange a trip here for a few days, but they haven't been able to get their rosters to match enough days to pull it off." He massaged at the sore spot on his neck, gently and carefully kneading his fingertips into the muscles as the thought everything over.

"Look, the guy hasn't given me anything to remotely remain attracted even if I was. Some people might get off on the playing hard to get bullshit, but I actually prefer reciprocation and connection. I actually thought the guy hated me for a point there. Even if I was interested, and thought he was cool, I'm pretty sure it's rapidly depleting after everything. He has zero interest in anything. He's stuck on the dead husband and only just working on trying to rectify things with Blaine. Blaine needs that. But in all honestly, I think the guy is a lot cause. I never even got close, and it left me exhausted. It's too much baggage the guy doesn't seem to want to shed. The guy died seventeen years ago, and he's still using it as an excuse for everything. It's... too much for me. I can't compete with that. I just want to find a guy to settle with and enjoy, not that is going to be a constant emotional fight or with the spirit dead husband between us in the goddamn bed. Self-preservational or not, I'm not ready to sell my soul to a dead dude, no matter how interested I could be. I'm still young, I want and need to still have fun. Pretty sure Blaine's dad doesn't have interest in fun, and more interest in couching himself in constant misery. I just don't want him to keep piling that on Blaine when the kid is already teetering on the edge of emotional turmoil and could tip over it at any moment."

"Okay, now that really does make you sound pathetic," she teased, no malice whatsoever in her playful words, though. "I know, though. It definitely would've been better for you to come out of being rearended with a sore ass instead of a sore neck, but I guess you can't win them all? A vacation can't be a bad idea, though. You work yourself into oblivion most of the time, and you suck at resting. Trust me. I've considered drugging you to make you sleep, but you know... Medical ethics are a bitch. Maybe you can go visit them, babe? You've probably got more PTO than anybody saved up." Looking her friend over, she gave a firm nod. "Yep. That's it. You're taking a vacation. If I have to drag you to visit them myself."

"Fair enough," Lilah agreed with a shrug. "I just... I know you care about Blaine, but for some reason, this one seems to be getting to you more than any other case I've ever seen, and I've seen you with some really heartbreaking cases. But no, you're definitely right. Nobody wants to be the third wheel, even if the second wheel is gone. I've seen cases like his... Where the widowed partner doesn't deal with the loss of the deceased partner, and it causes all kinds of problems along the way. The biggest issue here is that Blaine's being hurt by it, too. And that's really not okay. But if he's at least trying to start to clear things up with him and Blaine, that's a start. Like I said, I'm happy to have a few group sessions with Blaine and his dad, or to refer his dad to one of my colleagues if you think it's something he would be willing to try."

Edited 2012-08-23 21:24 (UTC)

Andrew just gave a long-suffering roll of his eyes and planted her with a Look. "It's not like I chose any of this, or mapped it out to make my life feel like shit. I've hit some sort of funk I don't know how to get out of. Hopefully it's not a midlife crisis, because I already have the sports car, it just got smashed up the ass and is sitting miserable in the car hospital waiting to be fixed. I can't even honestly friggen remember the last time I got laid. Whatever it was, it wasn't anything to write home about. The last decent lay I had was my last trip back East. Maybe a break will do me some good. Take myself completely out of the equation with Blaine and his father for awhile so they can figure this shit out. Because I seem to keep landing right in the thick of it without trying."

He took a mouthful from his bottle of beer he hadn't touch up to then and swallowed slowly as he thought on things. "Of course I care about him. I saved his life. He was beaten to a pulp, he shouldn't have lived. He one of those cases that stay with you forever, the way he pulled through and fought back. Fucking bastards ripped his clothes, kicked him in the groin with steel-capped boots, kicked him in the head, left him in the gutter to die. He's got those scars on his inner thigh. I don't know how much he has told the boyfriend, but when it comes to getting more serious, they aren't something that will go unnoticed. The other half goes in for a blowie and it will be as plain as day. It's another thing Blaine has to face, and I hope the other kid is tough and can take it all on. Especially now I want Blaine on antidepressants. But the father. I don't know. I just don't. I don't know how much he listens to me. I gave him a referral to one of your colleagues, I don't know if he acted on it. I haven't heard from either of them."

"I'm pretty sure I got that memo, babe," Lilah replied with a Look of her own. "And you're not old enough for a midlife crisis anyway. It's a shame, too, babe, because that car is gorgeous. Maybe it's time for the motorbike... Only, no, let's not do that, because if you're in the habit of getting rear-ended, the bike wouldn't have the same safety provisions as the car. If it makes you feel any better, it's been a while since I've gotten any, too... But it doesn't. I know it doesn't. But maybe the vacation is the best possible thing for you right now. I know you, and you're a bitch of a workaholic, but it couldn't hurt, right?" Tilting her head just a bit as she looked at him, pondering over everything he was saying. She really tried to keep from psycholanalyzing her friends, but unfortunately, it was just the way her brain worked, and sometimes, no matter how hard she tried, it just kind of happened.

"I know that, Andy... But you've saved a lot of lives along the way. This boy just got into your heart, though. There's no doubt he's special to you. I can't say anything or judge you on that. I care for him, too. He's a sweet kid, and he has a lot of issues that aren't his fault that he has to deal with. That's a hard thing. So many kids now are getting into trouble just for the fuck of it. That's not Blaine at all. All these things are issues that he's got just because hateful people do hateful things. And then the whole thing with his dad... I really hope the guy takes your referral and runs with it, because Blaine deserves to have his dad supporting him along the way. It's a hard enough thing when your loved ones all support you. It's a lot harder when the people who should are the people who don't." Reaching out, she rested her hand on Andy's knee with a soft squeeze. "Just give it some time. You never know how it could go."

Andrew just gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Been there, done that. I used to ride a bike when I was being a rebellious fuck in high school. That's my past, and it can stay there. It's not like I ever totally stifled the addiction to going at things hard and fast without giving a fuck, and it's too damn tempting to speed on a bike. I don't want to lose my practice licence on top of everything else. If I can't do my job, I may as well top myself. It's not just sex either. It's the whole deal. The companionship, the comfort, the not being lonely. And before you say it, I know that can come from friendship and family too. I do. But I'm just at a point in my life that I want more. There's even a part of me that wants to settle down. If I go to New York, I'm just not sure I'll come back," he finally admitted with a small shrug.

He was quiet in thought for a moment before he continued. "There is a Blaine that he lets the world see, and a Blaine that wears his heart on his sleeve that not many people actually get to see. Going to the private school, putting him in the blazer, it's giving him a mask and a shield he can wear over the top of all the hurt. Which isn't a bad thing, because he did need to shield that to be able to heal and get strength back after the attack. But I don't think he wants those masks anymore. I think he just wants to be Blaine. He doesn't want to be a leader or on a pedestal, he wants to just be himself, which is where he hits a brick wall because he hasn't even been able to do that with his father. He's had to be someone else even with him, and the real Blaine has been cowering in a corner somewhere. At least, until he met this kid he's dating now. Whoever the kid is, he has given Blaine the confidence to pause and regain momentum on himself. As his doctor, I have to support him with that. I can't contradict him because it will throw all his recovery progress out the window. I just seriously hope the dude keeps his word and tries to get on the same page with Blaine. I honestly though I could help him with that, but he didn't want the help, so game over."

"Yeah, no... I'm gonna go with you not revisiting your wild and crazy fuckhead ways again. I like responsible Andy a lot better. I think I'd have to bitchslap you if you went back to that again. It's a wonder, honestly, that I didn't end up going wild and crazy, as sheltered as I was as a kid. I'm glad I didn't, though. Hey... No topping yourself. I'd be lost without you, babe. No, no... I get that. I really do. There's a part of me starting to wonder about settling down and the whole domestic thing... You'd be settled with Danny boy if he were here," she predicted. "And if you go to him, you'll probably want to stay with him, too."

"That's exactly it," she replied with a nod. "He's at the point where the costume is too small now, and he needs to be able to get out of it and stretch his legs and just be himself. I know he hasn't felt like he can... And like you said, a lot of that is because of his dad. But if Michael's at least willing to try, that's a start. From what I can understand, though, Blaine has some very special friendships, along with the whole thing with the boyfriend, that are the places he can really be himself. Sounds like the biggest challenge right now is the dad. And maybe now that he's decided he wants to try and do better with it, he might be more willing to listen to you?"

Andrew gave a slight nod of his head in agreement and held up his beer bottle in a toast to that before he took another drink. "Amen, sister. No matter how tempted it is to just get in a car or on a bike and fucking drive like the wind, I'm not. I nearly killed my girlfriend, I nearly killed myself, put Abi and my family through utter hell with worry and fear. Don't have a spleen to show for it and have the scars as a reminder. My life right now might be a lonely, busy mess but at least I know I'm good at my job and rather than killing people, I'm saving their lives. I just want a simple life, but even finding that feels fucking impossible." He nodded again, another slow mouthful of the beer. "He won't come here, he's climbed the ranks back in NY. Shit would work for us, no doubt about it but I don't know... New York is New York. You either love it or hate it."

"He's growing up. He's not a kid that can be controlled or moulded to something Michael believes is best. It's not best. Not when Blaine feels like he can't get anything right with anyone, when he's still having nightmares about his attack, when he's feeling alone, even when he's surrounded by people. I don't know who the kid is he's dating, but I'm going to wager a bet he's one of those kids who doesn't conform or take shit because he's helping Blaine find himself. When he met with me the other day and told me he had a boyfriend, it was seriously the first time I have seen that kid just... smile. A real smile. That's fucking huge." He just looked blankly down at his feet. "I have no idea. I think the dude just thinks I'm some young punk trying to dictate to him how to raise his kid... and how dare I do that."

"I was never the one with the need for speed anyway, but I can imagine it would be a hell of a rush. But it's a damn good thing that's not how you roll anymore. Pretty sure I'd go off my rocker if I lost you, buddy." It was true, too. Andy was Lilah's best friend, and one of the people in the world who meant the most to her. They'd been through a lot together, and the thought of his not being in her life anymore was a tough one to swallow. Hell, even the thought of his moving to New York was tough, but at the end of the day, it didn't seem like that was really what Andy wanted. Even if he was lonely and tired of being lonely. "I know what you're saying," she said, carefully turning in her seat to look at him. "It's not home for you anymore there, is it?"

"Absolutely," Lilah agreed with a nod. "He's finally getting out from under Michael's thumb a little, and I think the boyfriend is the one we can thank for that. He must be a really special guy. And he needs to be for Blaine. Blaine's got such a big heart, he loves everybody so much, but for it to be someone he's truly connected with and fallen for? He has to be something really special. I'll be honest, there have been times I wondered if he even knew how to smile anymore without it seeming forced. I'm happy for him." Pausing, she glanced over at him with an eyebrow raised. "Maybe he does. Or maybe it scares him that you know what Blaine needs better than he does."

"It was a hell of a rush until I nearly killed myself," Andrew corrected, giving a wry scratch to his temple. "I paid the price and it's not something I would ever wish on anyone. But I guess in a way it's why I identified with Blaine. Not that our situations were in any way alike, but we were a similar age. I knew what it was like trying to recover from a trauma when you're a teenager. That hell of rehab and being isolated, relying on others for literally everything. It took a long time for me to get back on my feet, and now I have to be careful with everything because I don't have a spleen, so infections can jump on me like nothing else. Unlike me, though, Blaine was an innocent victim. He did nothing to deserve what happened and he's done nothing to be stifled the way he has. I feel for the kid. Shit like that changes you. Sometimes for the better like it did me, but without the support I had, it could have changed - could still change - Blaine for the worse. It's such a fine line. And no, it's not home. Home is here for now, but it's still lonely."

He wriggled down even more into the chair, letting himself relax. "Blaine sings his praises, but there's been something Blaine has connected with him over. Maybe the kid had issues coming out too, who knows? It doesn't matter. I think Michael seeing his kid with a boyfriend has really hit home. I mean, after the fight they had that led to the accident, Blaine ran to the boyfriend. He didn't stick around to try and fix things, I think that was a wake-up call too. And maybe it does scare him, but that's my whole fucking point. He needs to get his head out of his ass and put his kid above his needs and feelings. That's the whole issue. If he is scared, so what? I guarantee, Blaine is a hundred times scared of things. He needs to quit this little crusade he is on trying to protect Blaine, but in ways that are only damaging him. I'm no threat, and it's fucked in the head he thinks I am, because I just want the same thing he does. For his kid to be well and safe."

"You're very lucky that you didn't... I know you know that. But the fact is, I'm very lucky that you didn't, too. And, in the long run, so is Blaine. It's incredible, when you think about it, how many lives would be different if one person hadn't lived, or had died too young." Shaking her head, she tore herself out of her somewhat morbid thoughts to listen while Andy explained his connection to Blaine. It was true. The boy wasn't just any patient to either of them. They were both rooting for him, above and beyond the way they would root for any random patient. Blaine was a sweetheart, a lovable kid with a heart of gold. And there was something about a kid like him that neither of them could help caring for and hoping the best for. "I have my fingers crossed for that kid... That he could come out on the other side okay. I think he will if Michael really and truly does the right thing here and steps it up on the parenting front."

Shifting to the other end of the sofa, so she could put her feet out in front of her and still face Andy, Lilah was grateful to see Andy seeming to settle in a bit more. "Well, I really hope it works out for them. God knows the boy deserves a little happiness along the way. And if this helps wake Michael up from treating Blaine like a little kid who's supposed to do exactly what his dad wants all the time, then all the better. Honestly, Michael might need to be scared a little, because if he doesn't let up, there's something to be scared of. He will lose him... But it's not fair to take it out on you."

"The circle of life and all that. The whole sliding doors concept. Where Gwyneth was hot in one half the movie and looked like a wreck in the other. The movie sort of sucked in general, but the concept is powerful when you stop to think about it. One moment where you do something different, step out of what you would normally, can change everything. I just hope they're not a lost cause. Michael seemed responsive by the end, but that doesn't mean he will ultimately use the help. He seems to like defying people. I don't know," Andrew said wryly.

He just raised his eyebrows with a shrug. "I'm not entirely convinced it's that easy. I don't know why. Maybe because the guy has lived with with these hangs ups for so long that I'm not buying he's just going to move on from them. Sure, he can, if he seriously focuses on Blaine and enjoys this time with him. Enjoys the notion of his son experiencing all these firsts and growing up into a man. I hope he can respect the fact, too, that Blaine's not like other kids his age. He's not running around doing drugs, sleeping around, trying prove himself. Because he seriously could have. The kid could have been a completely rebellious mess after he got better. Sure, he took to thumping a punching bag on the regular, but luckily the anger didn't make him want to thump other kids as some sort of misguided payback for what he went through. He has nearly lost his kid three times now. The beating, the suicide attempt, and then Blaine almost giving up on their relationship. You would think three strikes would seriously make him wake up, right? He needs too pause and see that in all this deluded fear of doing shit to protect the kid, he's been the most damaging to him."

"Never saw that movie, but I know the concept anyway. Gwyneth never did anything for me, though. My movie star eyes are far more fixed on the likes of Keira Knightley... And Mila Kunis. But you're right. One split second choice can change everything for so many people. The whole It's a Wonderful Life concept of what if you weren't there for an event, how would it have gone differently." Lilah couldn't help the small smile on her face as she turned to Andy in amusement. "He likes defying people? Maybe you two have more in common than either of you realized."

"I don't know either," she confessed, rolling her eyes at the screen when yet another gay porn scene ended in a facial that the guy on the receiving end just never looked quite as thrilled about as one might have expected from what was supposed to look like the most awesome thing ever. "Seriously, TV porn is horrible. We need to break out your DVDs next time... But yeah... I wish I could say I was just sure as the world that Michael was going to end up stepping back and seeing what he's done to Blaine along the way. And not just seeing and recognizing it, but actually doing something to change it. But I can't say that. Not for sure." She met Andy's gaze, shaking her head just that little bit. "It's common, really. I see it a lot. Parents trying so hard to protect their children that they end up stunting them... Keeping them from growing and holding them back from the lives they really should be living. It's a sad thing to see."

Andrew shrugged. "It was okay. Abi made me watch it, and I don't mind John Hannah. He's a pretty cool actor, and he was good in this. Dude made Monty Python references, so it made him even more cooler. It's a move that gets you thinking, and sort of makes you stop and wonder in life sometimes when it feels like everything is running in the wrong direction. Like, what if I didn't make that green light and got stuck at the red for five more minutes? Like, seriously, if that was the case, I wouldn't have been rear-ended on the way home from work and I wouldn't have bumped into Michael again to the point he probably thought I was stalking him or something." He scrunched his nose up. "Yeah, but I defy people when I believe in something or know I'm right. He just seems to argue for the fuck of it. His kid tells him he's gay, Michael's all 'Fuck no, you're straight and you'll like it!' I try to tell him Blaine needs help and suggest we sit down and talk about it, the guy is just 'Fuck no, fuck off, I know what's best, not you'. I'v gotten to the point where I just cannot be assed fighting that."

He put his beer to his lips and watched the screen without really taking much notice of what was being shown there. Porn was more fun to watch with company, and not having company was part of his whole problem here. At least, company that wasn't a lesbian. "This isn't just stunting, it's completely screwing with Blaine's mental functioning. The sad part is, if the dude's husband was still alive, I'd put money on the fact he would be utterly horrified with how Michael was raising Blaine through his teens. The dude died of HIV. He suffered to be exactly who he was, sexuality and all. It's like a smack in the face to the dead husband not letting their kid be himself, no matter how scared or protective the guy wants to be. If I was in his shoes and raising a kid on my own after losing a partner, I'd want to be doing all I could to instil all the amazing qualities and traits of them into the kid to preserve the legacy."

"I guess the question you have to ask yourself is whether things really happen for a reason, or if it's all just random circumstance. And if things happen for a reason, then maybe there's a reason that you keep running into Michael. I know you don't want to fight him on things anymore, and honestly, I can't blame you there, babe. But maybe something you've said in all this will get through to him now that he's got some time to think." At least, Lilah certainly hoped so. This whole thing with Blaine putting in all the hard work to become more comfortable in his own skin and overcome his depression was a bigger struggle when the hard work was completely being negated every single time he talked to his father. "I know what you mean, though. It has to get tiring fighting that all the time... If it's that big of a pain in the ass for you, imagine what it's like for Blaine. It breaks my heart for the kid."

"It's ridiculous. I've never seen a gay parent make being gay so damn hard on their kid. And I'm with you on that. It seems like Michael's still struggling so much with the loss of his husband after more than a decade, but he's not doing anything to help himself, and instead, he's just heaping all these fears and insecurities on Blaine. The best damn thing he could do for his husband's memory would be to give Blaine a chance to be the person he really is. But instead, he's using the loss of his husband as an excuse to be an overbearing father, and failing Blaine." Pausing, she fell silent for a moment before taking a swig of her own drink. "Maybe what Michael really needs is a good lay."

Edited 2012-10-30 01:34 (UTC)

Andrew snorted and shook his head. "I don't have to ask myself that at all, love. If I honestly believed shit happened for a reason, I would have to believe that Blaine got bashed for a reason, that his other dad got HIV for a reason, that most of my patients had a reason for dying of cancer, or car accidents, or child abuse, or untreatable illness. I'm a doctor. I can't think everything happens for reasons, or I would literally go mental wondering why all these people deserve what they get. Random circumstance. That's all it is. That's what life is. It's a series of random circumstance that is built on people being in wrong places at wrong times, and sometimes, bad shit just happening to good people. The reason I keep bumping into him is because we live in the same town. End of story. And I know. I am more than aware how tough this is for the kid. I see it in his eyes. I'm the one treating him for the stress responses, listening to him talk and hearing how all over the place with him. Poor kid doesn't know where the hell he belongs."

He scratched at the back of his head tiredly. "Even so, he's gotta stop taking it out on his kid. Whatever grief he is still dealing with or whatever unresolved issues he's got clogging up his thought process, Blaine cannot be the scapegoat for that anymore. It's taken it's toll. The kid nearly suicided over it. Enough is enough. It's not Blaine's fault the dude died of HIV for a bad fuck in the past, and it's not my fault either. Maybe he does need a really good lay, but with the giant bug he has lodged up his ass about absolutely fucking everything, no dude is going to have a chance to pull that off."

"Fair enough," she finally replied, figuring now was as good a time as any to stop pressing the subject, at least for now. It was clearly bugging Andy on a lot of different levels, but Lilah made a concerted effort not to psychoanalyze him. It was a bit of a running joke between them, and sometimes she honest to God couldn't help it. Her therapist brain kicked in, and there was nothing she could do but to just accept it and go with it. However, it was never her intention. Being a therapist was her job. Not something that she ever meant to use to get information from her friends. "Just because things happen for a reason doesn't mean that the people they happen to deserve them," Lilah countered, resting her head against the back of the sofa. "But I do get your point. And I know it's not really up to you to go in and change Blaine's dad's mind. I just hope that, on some level, he's listened to you, and he decides to give therapy a chance or something like that. Because I know he doesn't want to hurt Blaine... To the contrary, he wants to save him from all the hurt ever, but he's going about it completely the wrong way. Either way, Blaine needs his dad, and he needs him to be on the same page. Blaine's one of those kids that... you just know deep down that he could make it and be just fine if things would settle for him a little bit, and if he had the right support system."

Using the hair tie on her wrist, Lilah sat up a little straighter and pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail. It was a bit all over the place, but she couldn't be bothered with having perfect hair for a BFF date night. It wasn't like it was going to bother Andrew. "No doubt about that," she agreed. "You're absolutely right. It's no one's fault except, unfortunately, the other dad's, and whoever it was he slept with, for not being safe and using protection. And I think in a way that makes it harder, because the only place to lay blame is the person that you're missing. Either way, it's pretty clear that he's not letting many people get through to him, if any. I just hope he listened to some of what you had to say at some point."

Andrew shook his head. "Very few people in this world deserve bad things to happen to them. But when bad things do, it's my job... our job... to try and fix them and put them back to as much normal as possible. Sometimes, it's actually impossible and I think this is one of those times. I don't think there is a normal for this family to go back to, not after what Blaine went through. I think after what happened, they had some weird niche where Blaine just woke up each day and went through the motions and his dad went along with it because then he didn't have more to worry about, but I don't think it's a normal that was healthy. They need to find a new way, and I wish I could help. I don't even know why I want to help," he confessed, throwing a hand up and letting it drop heavily back onto his thigh.

He sighed, scrunching his nose up and pulling his mouth to the side. He didn't say anything more yet but he eventually looked over at her, taking a long swing from his bottle to finish it off. "Alright, go. Psychoanalyse me, and him, and the situation. I know you want to. You're doing that psychologist passive-aggressive thing. But just so you know, I'm reserving my judgement and I also reserve the right to object and not listen to your analysis. I promise I won't get pissed off with what you say, because honestly, I'm willing to at least consider all sides of everything for Blaine's sake. Do you think I'm too personally invested and should just step back? I don't know why this particular case or this particular kid is sticking with me, but he is. It's just turning out to be one of the hardest to deal with in the history of my entire career, and that is saying something, because I've had some beauties being an ER doctor. Do you think I should just pull my nose out of it and leave them be?"

There was no arguing with that as far as Lilah was concerned. Bad shit happened to good people all the time. It was very rare for someone to be hurt the way that Blaine was, or lose a loved one, and there to be even a niggle of a thought that maybe they deserved it. But this case was so getting to Andy, and Lilah didn't know how best to handle this particular situation. "I have to agree with you there. They have a sort of 'norm' so to speak, but it's not a norm that they need to go back to. I'm not really sure I know who you want to help more... Blaine or his father. Or maybe really an even mix of the both of them. I know that you connect with Blaine, but there's just... This isn't usually you, Andy. You're usually on it like a boss with the professional distance and only doing your job. This is something different. I can't remember the last time I saw you this emotionally invested in any one patient."

Lilah didn't immediately jump right on the bandwagon of phsychoanalysis. Instead, she sat quiet for a few moments, taking in everything that Andy had said about things up until this point. Pausing, she had to smile just a little at him. "Hey... You know usually the therapist is supposed to be the one asking all the questions. Get it right, Andrew!" She was only teasing, though, and she let his words sink in as she sat there. "I think the answer to that question is dependent on who you're asking. Are you asking me as a colleague, a therapist, or a friend? Because as a colleague in a medical career, I would say yes, absolutely, Andrew, you need to step back and let them have it. As a therapist, I'd be more concerned with your finding out what it is that's drawn you to them and their situation as opposed to any other trauma patient you've dealt with in the past. We'd need to dig a lot deeper into where this is all coming from. But as your friend? Andy, I know you. And your heart is in this, whether you wanted it to be or not. And there's not really anything you can do about that at this point but just follow it. I know that it's not what the ordinary advice would be, but ordinarily, it's not my best friend I'm analyzing. I know you too well to just expect that you'd back down from something like this once it has hold of you."

"Blaine," Andrew replied firmly with a glance at her. "You need to remember that he is the reason I'm involved at all. But for Blaine to be helped, the father needs to be helped. The guy was just off the railings with his tactics of how to protect the kid. I think - hope - he's going to listen to me now and try to see where he was going wrong, but there's no guarantee. For all I know, he's back there thinking I'm some young punk doctor barely out of med school and hiding my acne, and can't possibly know what's best for a teenager because I don't have kids of my own. But he wouldn't even still have a kid if it wasn't for me, and sometimes saving a kid's life isn't just physical of keeping their heart beating and their lungs pumping air. Sometimes, it's about helping them psychologically, as you know, and Blaine's been so fucked in the head that he needs all the people around him he loves to build a firm foundation that he knows isn't going to crumble beneath him like his world has in the past. And the his father is right in the centre of all of that. His father is the one Blaine wants and needs to be okay with who he is. Maybe this is something different, but it's not like any other case I've dealt with. I'm not straight myself, so maybe that's why. I don't know. But Blaine is the one I'm trying to help. Michael is a grown-up and capable of helping himself. He just has to want it."

He fell quiet as he listened to her, and gave her a wry glance along with an eyeroll when she proceeded to fence-sit and not really give him a straight answer on anything. "You don't even know how to psyho-analyse this situation. Just admit it. Don't give me a bunch of flowery crap about being my friend and therapist and colleague. Because you're not my therapist, and never will be, and you're only a secondary colleague. This whole thing is just as confusing to me as it is to you and your psycho-analysis was piss-weak. I could have told you my heart was in it the minute that kid was wheeled into my resus on a blood-soaked gurney."

Lilah nodded to Andrew. It made perfect sense. He was a doctor. Helping people was just a part of him, a huge part of him that he'd never fully escape, nor would he want to. If not for the fact that both of them wanted to help people, they might never have made the connection that eventually led to being best friends. "It's sort of one of those can't have one without the other situations, which just makes it that much more difficult to break down into simple terms. Blaine's a special kid. One of the best kids I've met in my job. I have a lot of 'problem kids.' The ones whose parents bring them there because they're totally out of line and they have to do something before the kid ends up in juvie or worse... Kids who act out, do things to hurt other people... And here's Blaine... This precious sweetheart of a kid with a heart of gold that just makes you wish you could take him home and protect him yourself. And of all the things, to be told by your gay father that you need to stop being gay? How the hell is the kid supposed to live with that? But that's beating a dead horse at this point. We both know that. We know that Blaine is in a shitty situation because his father's being stubborn. But you're more than attached to Blaine, there's no question about that. And maybe he's found in you what he can't find in his dad right now... And hasn't really been able to find in his dad's gay friends because Michael's probably blocked all their attempts at it... a gay man who's older than him, at a successful place in his life, and supportive of his choices. He doesn't just see you as a doctor, or he wouldn't tell you things like the fact that he got his first kiss and his first boyfriend. That would have nothing to do with being a doctor, and everything to do with being a person he trusts."

"I'm not saying that I'm your therapist, Andy," she huffed back at him. "I'm saying that I look at things one way when I'm in therapist brain, and the other two are different. But you're right. This particular situation isn't as easy as just putting some kind of label on it, telling you to do it a certain way, and moving on. It's confusing for me, yes, and I can't look at it objectively, because it's my friend in question, and a kid who has come to mean a lot to me, too. So yeah. You're right. I don't even know where to start with this one."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"You're my best friend."

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