"I've been trying all my life to stand up every time I fall. If you could see it through my eyes."

[rockstarwarbler]

Who: Blaine Anderson and Michael Novotny
What: The aftermath
Where: University of Pittsburgh Medical Center
When: Following Michael's accident

It was after three in the morning by the time Blaine made it back to Pittsburgh and to the hospital where his dad was being kept overnight for observation. Blaine hadn't gotten Dr Pearson's voicemail until he actually arrived at Kurt's place in Lima, and he absolutely freaked out in a panic when he did. Which is what led to Kurt insisting Blaine leave his car there so he could drive Blaine back to Pittsburgh. He wouldn't have to be alone when he was worrying about his dad, and honestly, there was no way Kurt would let Blaine be alone after everything that went down anyway. Blaine had been upset to start with but hearing his dad had an accident, even if it was minor, just had him an emotional wreck.

So, after Blaine had made it to Lima about 11pm and they both promptly hit the road again with Kurt promising to call Burt at regular intervals so he knew they were okay. Blaine spent the first part of the trip just sitting in in the passenger's seat of Kurt's car just having a good cry now the anger had abated and Kurt kept rubbing Blaine's leg comfortingly on and off as he drove. Otherwise, beyond the radio on low, the drive was silent and Blaine appreciated that so he could try to absorb the whole mess. He used all of Kurt's travel tissues and looked a bit of a wreck by the time they arrived at the short-stay ward at the hospital Dr Pearson worked at.

They were directed to the room where Blaine's dad was, and even though he was scared to face his father, Blaine stepped into the doorway of the room hand-in-hand with Kurt and met his father's gaze silently. Kurt just gave his hand a soft reassuring squeeze and then kissed Blaine's cheek, telling him he would be in the waiting room, and then Blaine found himself standing there alone hovering in the doorway like he had no clue what he was supposed to do or say now. Before he knew it, a sob escaped before he could catch it and fresh wash of tears spilt down his cheeks just from a mix of emotional upheaval, exhaustion, frustration, anger, hurt, relief to see his dad was, in fact, okay... you name it.

Comments

[zephyrnovotny]

Raising his hand up to stop Blaine, Michael shook his head. "No, Blaine. It's not your fault. I wasn't being careful, and that's my fault. It was just a fender bender, and of all the people to rear-end, at least it was Dr. Pearson. He got me straight here and fixed me up, no big deal," he assured the boy. "Listen to me, kiddo... You weren't born wrong for me. Not by a long shot. You were born absolutely amazing, just the way you are. And I am so sorry that I didn't let you know that sooner, Blaine."

He took his son's hand and gave it a firm squeeze as he looked into the eyes of the boy that was a part of him, and through the love that he'd been given when Ben was alive, a part of Ben, too. This was the boy that he'd chosen to have with his husband, and while Ben was gone, Michael knew without a shadow of a doubt that he'd loved Blaine with all his heart, just as much as if he'd been his biological son. And he knew that Ben's heart would break if he knew what Michael had put Blaine through lately. And that he would probably have pulled Michael aside a long time ago and given him a stern talking to about the way he'd acted.

"Blaine... You're gay. And I'm gay, and almost all the important people in our lives are gay, too. It's not some fatal character flaw... And I know I made you feel like it was, and for that, I am so sorry." He glanced at the doorway, where Kurt had stood earlier in quiet comfort for Blaine, and smiled just a little. "Kurt's beautiful, Blaine. And apparently cares about you very much, which is all any parent could ask for in their kids' other half. I want you to know that I wasn't angry at dinner... And I wasn't disapproving. I was just in shock. Because I made it so hard for you to talk to me that I didn't even know you felt that way about Kurt. None of this is your fault, Blaine. I'm so sorry." By this point, Michael had lost all control, and the tears were streaking down his face, though he tried to wipe them away. "Please forgive me, Blaine."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine blinked tiredly at the news that it was his doctor's car that his dad had collided with, the information not really commuting at first. Dr Pearson hadn't said anything about that when he spoke to him on the phone, and to hear it now, it almost sounded like he might have been protecting his dad's honour. Strange. He was quiet whilst his father spoke to him, and he was listening. He could have thrown another tantrum and told his dad to go stick anything he was saying, but that really wasn't in Blaine's nature. He was a survivor, not an aggressor. He had always been a completely placid kid until the attack too, but since transferring to Dalton, he had taken up boxing for self-defence. He still remained a passive person, though, but now he could just defend himself, or at least try, if an event like that ever faced him again.

"I am gay," he softly repeated, feeling like he had to emphasise the point. "There's never really been any dispute of that inside me, except when I got drunk and kissed Rachel, then it was more a fact of seeing an opportunity to maybe... I don't know, turn bi so you wouldn't keep freaking out on me. It was a couple of days, that's all, and I just think now it was because I was confused over things with Kurt anyway. He's been amazing from the day I met him, unlike anyone I have ever known before. He was being bullied, and he let me help him, which helped me. We got close and I didn't see the signs. It seemed too easy, and too right. So, I just... sabotaged it or something, I don't know..."

He stopped and let out a slow, heavy breath. "I never told you about him because I was worried you would stop me being friends with him because he was gay. Like, very gay. Emmett-level gay, only nothing like that. He's beyond innocent, and so kind, and caring, and open with me. I didn't want to lose him. I only just got the courage yesterday to tell him how I felt, and he and I are together now, and he makes me happy. I want to do everything, all those things, with him. Y-You could have just said something, anything to let me know it was okay. I don't get how everything has to be such a shock for you. Do you know Kurt's dad knew he was gay since he was three? He's as straight as they come, but he loves Kurt unconditionally and Kurt knows his dad is there for him, no matter what. And I... I haven't felt that from you for a very long time. Ever since I came out and got bashed, it's felt like I can't ask you to help me with anything."

[zephyrnovotny]

It was so late, and Michael was exhausted, and he could tell Blaine was, too. There was no denying it with the expressive eyes looking back at him. But in their exhaustion, there was a quiet, and an openness that Michael had never been able to reach before in talking to his son. There was no anger or frustration, for which Michael was extremely grateful, just a calm, if heartbreaking conversation. There were all these... These feelings and emotions that he'd buried, and just the process of even beginning to find them to let them back out was enough to break his heart all over again.

"I'm so sorry Blaine," Michael said, squeezing his son's hand in his own, needing to keep that connection. "I should never have made you feel like I would love you less for being who you are. I love you, kiddo. With every bit of my heart, I love you. You're a part of me, Blaine... And I look at you the way you are, and Ben... Your dad would've been so proud of you, and I'm proud of you, too. I just... I let my fears get the best of me, and I was so afraid of losing you, too. You're a fantastic kid, and you have such a big heart... I don't know what the hell I've been thinking, but I'm sorry."

Blaine's confession only served to make Michael feel even worse, but he was grateful that his son was at least speaking to him now, and not only speaking, but being completely and totally honest. "Blaine... If you're happy, I'm happy. I wanted this for you, I just... I wanted it to be a girl before, because I was scared... I'm still scared, if I'm honest because this world is a fucked up place. But I love you and I trust you, Blaine. And no matter what happens, I want you to be safe and happy. I have a lot of... A lot of issues, Blaine, and those aren't your fault. I have a lot of things I never dealt with, but I'm going to, now. I'm going to get help in dealing with stuff, because it's not fair to you that I haven't taken care of you the way I should, or been a good dad to you. I love you, Blaine. And I'm going to do everything I can to get better so you can ask me what you need to, and I can be here for you. I promise you, Blaine. It's going to be better. I'm going to be your dad again, and not just that dick who doesn't listen to you. But I need your help, too. We've gotta be a team on this. And maybe it wouldn't hurt for us to... I don't know, get some counseling as a family? Together?" It felt like a huge weight off when Michael finished speaking, and then he fell silent, giving Blaine an opening to speak.

[rockstarwarbler]

There was a tiny frown that furrowed Blaine's face, thought his was more out of contemplation than feeling troubled. Maybe a little troubled, because he knew that just this past week he had gone to Burt Hummel about Kurt having sex, and now he sort of knew deep down he did it because he was thinking about sex with Kurt himself and he was feeling guilty about the whole thing now. He knew neither of them were anywhere near ready for it, but at the same time, he had wanted to know Kurt could be comfortable with it whenever it did crop up for him. He beyond admired the relationship Kurt had with his dad, and that was the only reason he knew he could go to Burt about Kurt's lack of knowledge. "Dad... Kurt's a virgin. He hasn't got HIV or anything. He's never even kissed another guy. Well, not really. Before me, the dude that was harassing him and threatened his life, he hate kissed him. The guy is closeted, and I think he was hating on Kurt for being out. I don't know. He's a massive guy, we've just been keeping our distance. But Kurt hasn't been with anyone else dad, and neither have I. And I think that's pretty damn special. I've honestly never even see him sick. He's perfectly healthy, he takes amazing care of himself. Plus, his dad is this burly, rough around the edges straight dude who would probably literally beat you to a pulp or shoot you if you hurt his son, and he's a member of PFLAG."

He sighed and gave a tired rub of his eyes for a moment. "It's just... I don't want to spend my life thinking every little thing I do is going to lead to doom and gloom and tragedy, Dad. I've been there, and I hated it. I couldn't see a way out of it. But lately I've been happy. Really happy. Dalton and the Warblers opened my eyes up to that a little, but I really started to see hope again when I met Kurt. I know I have grown up in a gay community, but Kurt is unlike anyone I have ever met. He is so proud, Dad. He has been to hell and back, but held his strength through the whole lot. He lost his mom to breast cancer at nine years old. He watched her die. He has been bullied and harassed his whole life for being different, he was isolated because of that. He used to get thrown in dumpsters, or shoved into lockers, his stuff stolen, horrible messages written about him in bathrooms... all for just being him. Then just a few months ago, his dad had a heart attack. He had an aneurysm and nearly died. Kurt thought he was going to be left all alone, and then he nursed his dad back to health. I met him right after that. Then he single-handedly arranged his dad's wedding. His dad had never had anyone since he lost Kurt's mom, but he found this amazing lady called Carole. Kurt set them up, and they fell in love and now they got married. Dad... I... we aren't the only ones who have ever experienced tragedy and loss, you know. But many people can grieve and heal and move on to be stronger people because of it. You never forget, but you can move on. I... I don't know why we can't do that too. Why you can't. I know you lost Dad when I was a baby and it was awful, and an awful way, but... I-I can't keep being miserable all the time, or lost, or scared, or alone. I don't want to. I want... I want to just be me, Dad. And I want to be me with Kurt. I want to know what it's like to fall in love like you did with Dad, I want to know what it's like to go outside holding hands with a person who wants to spend time with me just because I'm me. I don't want to live in fear that if I do that, I'm going to get my head bashed in. I've been trying to move on from that, but it's hard when you're still living like that and trying to get me to drown in the same fears. I'm not saying I'm not scared, because I'm fucking terrified, but I'm trying to use it to be a survivor, a stronger person, and not let it ruin the only life I get a chance to be happy in."

[zephyrnovotny]

The information that Kurt was a virgin was actually kind of surprising to Michael. The boy was beautiful, and Michael wasn't dumb enough to think kids weren't having sex younger and younger these days. And considering how old he'd been when he first fooled around that was pretty damn young. "Shit... It's fucked up that gay kids are still getting bullied this much. You'd think that time would've changed things. I know it's not the same as it was before, but it's still pretty awful. But you... it sounds like he's a fantastic person, Blaine, and that's... That's all any parent can ask for. For their kid to fall for an amazing person who cares about them and will take care of them. And if Kurt's that person for you, Blaine, I'm going to be happy for you."

He sighed heavily, his hand coming up to rest against his son's cheek. "You're an amazing person, Blaine. And I'm sorry... so sorry that I tried to change who you are. You didn't deserve that. If I had been being a good father, I would've been teaching you how to be the best damn gay kid you could be. I would've been teaching you about safe sex, and all the other things that you needed to know to stay safe instead of making you miserable." His son was seriously the most amazing thing that he'd ever been part of making, and Michael used his arm to push himself up a bit, watching Blaine's face as he told him that he wanted to find the kind of love that Michael had shared with Ben. With tears rolling down his face, Michael put his arm around Blaine and pulled him into a tight hug. "I wish he could see you now, Blaine. You're so brave... I swear to you... I'm going to get it right. I'm going to see a therapist and do whatever else it takes. I want to be your dad... The way we used to be... And I want to know Kurt and get to know why you fell for him." Shaking his head, he pulled back to look at Blaine again. "You're wise beyond your years, you know. Just like your Dad. It's crazy. You got my blood, but you're so much like him sometimes that it scares me. I love you, kiddo. I love you, and I'm so sorry I made you think I'd stop loving you because of who you are."

[rockstarwarbler]

"Yeah..." Blaine murmured quietly while he toyed with the wristband on his watch. "And no matter how hard the homophobics try, they can't knock the gay out of us. I mean, I had my head kicked in repeatedly, and still woke up gay." His words were careful and hesitant and came with an uncertain glance up at his dad. That was the whole touchy subject right there, but if his dad was serious about this, he needed to be able to handle Blaine referring to his sexuality and ordeal candidly because sometimes, that was the only way Blaine could handle it. He had learnt that off Kurt, that sometimes if you're laughing about yourself loudest, the bastards don't have a chance of getting one over on you because you've already beat them to it. Kurt often made jokes about his over uber-gayness or about being a queen or having fag hags. It was part of who he was, but there was no doubt it still hurt like fuck when you had slurs like fag or fruit thrown at you with the intent to hurt you. "When he cries, it feels like my heart is is breaking too. That's how I knew. I've learnt that even if something is hurting and you're miserable, it doesn't ever seem quite as bad when someone wants to share it with you."

He gave a shake of his head. "No, I didn't deserve it. I always felt like I was getting everything wrong with you. I felt like if something ever did happen to me because I was gay, or being with gay people, I would have been too scared to come and tell you and I should be able to tell my dad anything. I've done some stupid things lately, Dad. Things because I was confused and didn't understand what I was feeling. I've never felt more lost in my life than I have when I woke up from the bashing and you couldn't handle me being gay anymore. It was like I had no one. I couldn't ask anyone about sex, I had to find it all myself. I couldn't even ask you about anything when I thought I should be going after this older guy at Gap because he would have been able to guide me and I wouldn't look stupid not knowing anything about being gay. And I hurt Kurt doing that. I'm not brave, Dad. I'm scared and I'm lost. I've been able to figure a few things out for myself, and I've been following in my heart what feels right or wrong, but that doesn't make me brave just because I've had to do it all on my own. It makes me a seventeen year old gay kid who hasn't had a dad to talk to about anything."

[zephyrnovotny]

Michael couldn't help remembering back to all those years ago, when Justin, young and in so many ways, still naive about the world, had walked out of a high school dance, just like Blaine had, and been bashed within an inch of his life, also just like Blaine. They'd nearly lost Justin then... Brian... all of them, really... so sure that it was too late... That Justin wasn't going to make it. But somehow he'd pulled out okay, and then, all these years later, the very same thing had happened to Blaine, even down to the brain injury and the almost certainty that they'd all felt that they were going to lose him. Michael remembered sitting in the hospital next to an unconscious Blaine's bed, holding his hand, and begging him not to leave him. That thought alone choked him up, and he gave Blaine a small nod. "You're right, son. They can't make you straight. And neither can I... And I shouldn't have ever tried. You are an amazing son, and you used to be the brightest light in my world... And the only reason you're not anymore is because I was refusing to let you shine... Your Uncle Emmett always says he's not ashamed to let his flame burn bright... And you shouldn't be either, Blaine. I'm so sorry I tried to hide you or make you lie to yourself. I love you, kiddo. I really do." He smiled just a little at that. "That... That's what it was like when I was with your dad," he admitted softly. "No matter how hard things got, or how hurt I was over the world, your dad just had this... This way of making it all better. He'd smile at me and hug me, and he had this... This warmth in him that was always exactly what I needed..." Michael realized in that moment that this was probably the first time he had ever talked so openly about Ben with Blaine. It had always been a painful subject for him, but as he spoke, he realized that maybe it would be a good idea to talk about it more.

Blaine's words broke Michael's heart, and brought home more than ever how far he'd pushed his son away. Blaine literally felt like he didn't have a father. And Michael had done nothing to change that. If anything, he'd only made it worse. Made Blaine more afraid and uncomfortable in his own skin, and he'd never forgive himself if Blaine didn't find himself now. But with Kurt's help, maybe? Maybe he would. "I wish I could say that you're wrong... And that I've always been here for you. But I haven't been, and I know that. But Blaine, I swear to you, I'm going to try my best to get through this and be better. Just... I know it's a lot to ask, Blaine, but can you please try to forgive me for what I've done?"

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine looked down at his feet, his eyelashes dampened with tears he had shed. The bashing and his recovery from it had been the worst thing he had ever been through in his life. Even when he first came out of the coma, he was still out of it. He didn't have much memory of that. He remembered people holding his hand and stroking his cheek or his arm. He had his had shaved for that because the head injuries had been so bad, and he remembered in rehab when it was all growing back his dad brushing the curls and trying to get them to tame. He had to have speech therapy and physical therapy to walk again and use his arms and legs. He remembered his dad dressing him and helping him use the bathroom. Then when Blaine's brain started to heal, he got more and more awareness of everything around him. He knew what happened, that he had to work hard to get better. Hell, he even remembered Dr Pearson coming to visit on the regular and how, every time, he brought Blaine comic books without even realising that Blaine's dad owned a comic shop. He had gone through all of that just because he was gay... and he was fucked if he was going to forget all that fight to be who he was. It had to be worth something and if showing the fuckers they couldn't keep him down was the only thing, so be it.

Tears were filling his eyes again when he looked back to his dad. "I just want that, Dad. I want to feel what it's like to be loved and protected like that. I couldn't get it off you, I couldn't get it off Cooper. But I got it off Kurt. Unconditionally, no matter how much of a dick I was being. And one day I hope I can aim for with Kurt what you had with Dad. Because I'm not a kid anymore, Dad. I've had to grow up a real lot and really quickly. That terrifies me some days because it feels like I should know what the hell I'm doing, but I keep getting it all wrong. I want to try and get it right, and I think telling Kurt how I feel was a massive start for me. It's the strongest I've been in a long time, and I'm proud of myself for that. Because I didn't want to disappoint you, but I had to do this for me. This is me. I like boys. I like Kurt. I tried to do the thing with a girl and I spent the whole time thinking about how much I had upset Kurt and wishing I could just be hot for her. But it wasn't happening. I just want you to be okay with this being me, Dad. That's all."

[zephyrnovotny]

Michael's good hand rested firmly on his son's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. It was killing him knowing what he did to this boy... This boy who was part of him, the best part of him, and there was nothing in Michael that wanted to keep pushing them apart. All he wanted to do now was pick up the pieces and do the best he could to put them together without leaving anymore scars than he already had. "I've missed you, son," Michael admitted, meeting Blaine's gaze quietly. "I've missed you so much, and it's all my fault... And I am so sorry that I didn't fight for you... for our family."

"And that's what I want for you, too, kiddo. What any decent parent would ever want for their child. And I know I haven't been a very decent parent lately, but that's going to change. You deserve all the good things in the world, Blaine, and Kurt? I think Kurt's a very good thing. I love you, kiddo. And I'm okay with you being whoever in the world you are. Unless that's a drug addict or a serial killer, and then I'm gonna kick your little butt... But I'm okay with you being gay. And I'm proud of the man that you're becoming."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine shifted over a little and after a moment of hesitation, he rested his head down on his dad's shoulder like he used to do when he was younger. If he had a bad dream or a tummy ache, he would go into his dad's bed and crawl up beside him. Sure, it was a running joke because Blaine was a pretty messy and sprawly sleeper, but it felt like a long, long time since had had done anything like this. "I've missed you too, Dad."

He traced little circles on the sheet beside him and he nibbled on his lower lip. "Do you think, um... he could come over for dinner one night soon? The time you met him didn't exactly go so well and he thinks you don't really like him. He said you didn't seem to really even want to talk to him. I don't want him to think that at all. He's had a bad time of people judging him in the past and I don't want him to think my family is doing it. I know Lima is a bit of a drive away from here, too, so maybe he can stay over one weekend? Like, in the guest room. I'd just like to spend some more time with him now we're dating that isn't Warbler practice or doing school work."

[zephyrnovotny]

Michael's arm snaked out to wrap around Blaine gently, finding comfort in the simple gesture from his son that he knew meant so much. Blaine was a good boy. A fantastically behaved kid with a heart of gold, and Michael would never stop being grateful that his son had grown up to be such an incredible young man. "You know something, Blaine Anderson? You're an amazing kid. You're a beautiful person, and I'm honored that I get to be your dad, even if I haven't exactly acted like it lately. I love you with all my heart, kiddo."

It only took a moment for Michael to mull that over before he was nodding his consent. "Of course. That's okay with me. I'd really like a chance to get to know the guy who turned your head. He has to be something special if you care about him as much as you do." Carefully, so as not to hurt his bad shoulder, Michael shifted to rest his head on top of Blaine's. "And he's welcome to stay the weekend. Of course. As long as his dad doesn't mind. I do want to talk to him and really get to know him... And I want to talk to you and get to know you again, too. I let this go on far too long, Blaine, and I can never apologize enough. I can't promise you things will be perfect from now on, but I promise you with all my heart that I will never stop fighting to protect you. The real you, and not the you I tried to make you be."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine yawned and didn't bother stifling it. It was loud and he rubbed his hand over his face in the wake it, but stayed lying there against his father's shoulder for now. "That's... all things I'm trying to believe in myself again. For awhile there, I wasn't so sure I was much of anything. Cooper didn't want to be my friend, I got bashed, I lost Tommy, I knew I liked boys, but couldn't seem to figure out how to get them to like me back, I had to change schools, and everything was so much harder. The Warblers helped, and then one day, Kurt was just... there. Catching my attention on the steps and there was just something amazing about him. He makes me feel like I matter. I haven't felt like I've mattered in a long time. I just sort of felt like being me meant I was always going to get everything wrong. I wasn't born the brother Cooper wanted, and I wasn't born straight like you needed. But it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I don't hate myself as much, which I guess I started doing when it felt like everyone hated me, so why not just believe it?"

"I got to Lima. Kurt drove me all the way back here, so he'll have to stay over tonight and get a little sleep, even if there isn't much of the night left. He'll keep pushing on probably just say he'll drive home if I don't tell him he has to stay. He's like that. He gives everything his all. I just wanted to know it would be okay with you, otherwise he can stay at Nana's. Even if the décor of her house would probably give him ulcers. He's really fashion and design concious..." He was rambling a little now, getting sleeping and even slurring his words a bit around the lethargy. "I'm just the same person I always was, Dad. There's not really much about me that changed. I guess I just grew up and got a little boring. I'll blame puberty."

[zephyrnovotny]

There was something in this quiet moment shared with his son that just broke through all the walls Michael had ever held in place in attempts to try and force Blaine into any kind of mold. Just having his precious child in his arms (or arm, as the case may be) again, feeling the familiar but beloved weight of the curly head resting against his shoulder, was enough to remind Michael what being a father was really all about. "I know, kiddo. All of these horrible things happened to you, and instead of being a dad, I chose to be another one of those people who made you feel like you weren't good enough. I take full responsibility for that, Blaine. I made very bad decisions as your dad, and I can never apologize enough to make up for that. I wish there were something I could say that would magically make all those painful things go away for you so that you could just be happy... completely happy, and see all the things that I see when I look at you that make me so proud to be your father. I'm so happy you found Kurt, Blaine. I know that this world has enough horrible shit without the people you love who are supposed to love you, too, constantly doing things that hurt you. I have never hated you, but I know that what I did, trying to push you to be someone else... it made you feel like I did. The truth is, Blaine, I'm weak and afraid sometimes. And I make stupid decisions out of fear that end up hurting the people who matter the most to me. That includes you. I remember when you were a tiny baby... Right after your mom had you... And your dad and I were in the hospital with her, and the doctor put you in my arms... and I just looked down at you, and... You were the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. And you were ours. I promised you that day that I would do everything in my power to make sure that you were okay, that you always knew you were loved, and that you could always be yourself with me... And along the way, I let my own hurt hold me back... I could've stood up and gotten help when your dad died, but I didn't. I had options, and I didn't take them. And in doing that, I hurt you so much more than I ever wanted to. I refused to listen to people telling me that you needed me, and I am so sorry, Blaine. You are the most important person in my life, and I love you with all my heart."

Michael nodded slowly. "That's fine by me. He should stay over. I don't want him out driving at this time of the night. And if he's fashion conscious, Nana's house might kill him, so we should definitely keep that from happening." He laughed a little at the thought of a queen with major fashion sensibilities in his mother's house. Tightening his arm around his son, Michael leaned to press a kiss to the curly hair on top of the boy's head. The sleepy rambling was something Blaine had done since he'd started talking, and it always made Michael smile just a little. "I think you're the same person, just... Stronger somehow... But I've forced you to hide a lot of yourself when you're around me, and I don't want that to happen anymore. I want to know it all. I don't want you to feel like you can't even tell me that you're friends with a gay guy, or that you have a boyfriend, without us getting into an argument. I'm going to go to counseling and get some help for my problems, too. I want to be a better dad and a better person in general... And being bitter at the world's not going to help me get very far with that."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine had listened to every word his dad said, knowing it was all things he had desperately hoped for and yearned for ever since he had come out. He had known at that time, something in his world had tipped off balance and skewed. It had played on his mind for quite a few months that he could be gay. He tried looking at pictures of naked girls, and then naked guys, and the naked girls never did much for him but vaguely make him wonder what it felt like to have boobs attached to his own chest and what they felt like to touch. It wasn't actually sexual arousal and more just typical Blaine Anderson curiosity. The naked guys, though, especially the ones with erection had Blaine actually masturbating over them and that was when he had known he was gay. It took him even longer after that to pluck p the courage to tell his dad, but rather than going directly to his dad, he got his dad, mom, nana, Cooper and Brian all together to tell them all at once. His mom, nana and Brian barely even batted and eyelid and said they loved him no matter what. Brian even offered him porn. Cooper sort of looked vaguely green at the idea his baby brother was thinking about sex... it didn't matter who with. But it was his dad that when quiet. Just completely quiet and then excused himself for some air. After that, things went right downhill and after Blaine woke up after the bashing, even though his dad was there to help him right through it, the issue of Blaine being gay had always been wrong and that's where Blaine began to lose his footing on just about everything in his life.

But there was something in the tone of his dad's voice that had Blaine dropped off to sleep after the confirmation that Kurt could stay over. Lying there, the tiredness claimed him and his eyes dropped closed, even accompanied by a very soft snore. Maybe a minute passed before he abruptly snapped back awake and shot up, looking around groggily and disoriented for a moment until he realised what happened. It was probably extremely telling that his dad's words had inviting some sort of inner peace into Blaine finally that he could feel at ease and relaxed for the first time in a long time. He looked at his father through hooded, sleepy eyes and yawned. "Think I need t'go bed..." he mumbled and rubbed his eyes slowly as he tried to fight it.