"I've been trying all my life to stand up every time I fall. If you could see it through my eyes."

[rockstarwarbler]

Who: Blaine Anderson and Michael Novotny
What: The aftermath
Where: University of Pittsburgh Medical Center
When: Following Michael's accident

It was after three in the morning by the time Blaine made it back to Pittsburgh and to the hospital where his dad was being kept overnight for observation. Blaine hadn't gotten Dr Pearson's voicemail until he actually arrived at Kurt's place in Lima, and he absolutely freaked out in a panic when he did. Which is what led to Kurt insisting Blaine leave his car there so he could drive Blaine back to Pittsburgh. He wouldn't have to be alone when he was worrying about his dad, and honestly, there was no way Kurt would let Blaine be alone after everything that went down anyway. Blaine had been upset to start with but hearing his dad had an accident, even if it was minor, just had him an emotional wreck.

So, after Blaine had made it to Lima about 11pm and they both promptly hit the road again with Kurt promising to call Burt at regular intervals so he knew they were okay. Blaine spent the first part of the trip just sitting in in the passenger's seat of Kurt's car just having a good cry now the anger had abated and Kurt kept rubbing Blaine's leg comfortingly on and off as he drove. Otherwise, beyond the radio on low, the drive was silent and Blaine appreciated that so he could try to absorb the whole mess. He used all of Kurt's travel tissues and looked a bit of a wreck by the time they arrived at the short-stay ward at the hospital Dr Pearson worked at.

They were directed to the room where Blaine's dad was, and even though he was scared to face his father, Blaine stepped into the doorway of the room hand-in-hand with Kurt and met his father's gaze silently. Kurt just gave his hand a soft reassuring squeeze and then kissed Blaine's cheek, telling him he would be in the waiting room, and then Blaine found himself standing there alone hovering in the doorway like he had no clue what he was supposed to do or say now. Before he knew it, a sob escaped before he could catch it and fresh wash of tears spilt down his cheeks just from a mix of emotional upheaval, exhaustion, frustration, anger, hurt, relief to see his dad was, in fact, okay... you name it.

Comments

[zephyrnovotny]

Michael's arm snaked out to wrap around Blaine gently, finding comfort in the simple gesture from his son that he knew meant so much. Blaine was a good boy. A fantastically behaved kid with a heart of gold, and Michael would never stop being grateful that his son had grown up to be such an incredible young man. "You know something, Blaine Anderson? You're an amazing kid. You're a beautiful person, and I'm honored that I get to be your dad, even if I haven't exactly acted like it lately. I love you with all my heart, kiddo."

It only took a moment for Michael to mull that over before he was nodding his consent. "Of course. That's okay with me. I'd really like a chance to get to know the guy who turned your head. He has to be something special if you care about him as much as you do." Carefully, so as not to hurt his bad shoulder, Michael shifted to rest his head on top of Blaine's. "And he's welcome to stay the weekend. Of course. As long as his dad doesn't mind. I do want to talk to him and really get to know him... And I want to talk to you and get to know you again, too. I let this go on far too long, Blaine, and I can never apologize enough. I can't promise you things will be perfect from now on, but I promise you with all my heart that I will never stop fighting to protect you. The real you, and not the you I tried to make you be."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine yawned and didn't bother stifling it. It was loud and he rubbed his hand over his face in the wake it, but stayed lying there against his father's shoulder for now. "That's... all things I'm trying to believe in myself again. For awhile there, I wasn't so sure I was much of anything. Cooper didn't want to be my friend, I got bashed, I lost Tommy, I knew I liked boys, but couldn't seem to figure out how to get them to like me back, I had to change schools, and everything was so much harder. The Warblers helped, and then one day, Kurt was just... there. Catching my attention on the steps and there was just something amazing about him. He makes me feel like I matter. I haven't felt like I've mattered in a long time. I just sort of felt like being me meant I was always going to get everything wrong. I wasn't born the brother Cooper wanted, and I wasn't born straight like you needed. But it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I don't hate myself as much, which I guess I started doing when it felt like everyone hated me, so why not just believe it?"

"I got to Lima. Kurt drove me all the way back here, so he'll have to stay over tonight and get a little sleep, even if there isn't much of the night left. He'll keep pushing on probably just say he'll drive home if I don't tell him he has to stay. He's like that. He gives everything his all. I just wanted to know it would be okay with you, otherwise he can stay at Nana's. Even if the décor of her house would probably give him ulcers. He's really fashion and design concious..." He was rambling a little now, getting sleeping and even slurring his words a bit around the lethargy. "I'm just the same person I always was, Dad. There's not really much about me that changed. I guess I just grew up and got a little boring. I'll blame puberty."

[zephyrnovotny]

There was something in this quiet moment shared with his son that just broke through all the walls Michael had ever held in place in attempts to try and force Blaine into any kind of mold. Just having his precious child in his arms (or arm, as the case may be) again, feeling the familiar but beloved weight of the curly head resting against his shoulder, was enough to remind Michael what being a father was really all about. "I know, kiddo. All of these horrible things happened to you, and instead of being a dad, I chose to be another one of those people who made you feel like you weren't good enough. I take full responsibility for that, Blaine. I made very bad decisions as your dad, and I can never apologize enough to make up for that. I wish there were something I could say that would magically make all those painful things go away for you so that you could just be happy... completely happy, and see all the things that I see when I look at you that make me so proud to be your father. I'm so happy you found Kurt, Blaine. I know that this world has enough horrible shit without the people you love who are supposed to love you, too, constantly doing things that hurt you. I have never hated you, but I know that what I did, trying to push you to be someone else... it made you feel like I did. The truth is, Blaine, I'm weak and afraid sometimes. And I make stupid decisions out of fear that end up hurting the people who matter the most to me. That includes you. I remember when you were a tiny baby... Right after your mom had you... And your dad and I were in the hospital with her, and the doctor put you in my arms... and I just looked down at you, and... You were the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. And you were ours. I promised you that day that I would do everything in my power to make sure that you were okay, that you always knew you were loved, and that you could always be yourself with me... And along the way, I let my own hurt hold me back... I could've stood up and gotten help when your dad died, but I didn't. I had options, and I didn't take them. And in doing that, I hurt you so much more than I ever wanted to. I refused to listen to people telling me that you needed me, and I am so sorry, Blaine. You are the most important person in my life, and I love you with all my heart."

Michael nodded slowly. "That's fine by me. He should stay over. I don't want him out driving at this time of the night. And if he's fashion conscious, Nana's house might kill him, so we should definitely keep that from happening." He laughed a little at the thought of a queen with major fashion sensibilities in his mother's house. Tightening his arm around his son, Michael leaned to press a kiss to the curly hair on top of the boy's head. The sleepy rambling was something Blaine had done since he'd started talking, and it always made Michael smile just a little. "I think you're the same person, just... Stronger somehow... But I've forced you to hide a lot of yourself when you're around me, and I don't want that to happen anymore. I want to know it all. I don't want you to feel like you can't even tell me that you're friends with a gay guy, or that you have a boyfriend, without us getting into an argument. I'm going to go to counseling and get some help for my problems, too. I want to be a better dad and a better person in general... And being bitter at the world's not going to help me get very far with that."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine had listened to every word his dad said, knowing it was all things he had desperately hoped for and yearned for ever since he had come out. He had known at that time, something in his world had tipped off balance and skewed. It had played on his mind for quite a few months that he could be gay. He tried looking at pictures of naked girls, and then naked guys, and the naked girls never did much for him but vaguely make him wonder what it felt like to have boobs attached to his own chest and what they felt like to touch. It wasn't actually sexual arousal and more just typical Blaine Anderson curiosity. The naked guys, though, especially the ones with erection had Blaine actually masturbating over them and that was when he had known he was gay. It took him even longer after that to pluck p the courage to tell his dad, but rather than going directly to his dad, he got his dad, mom, nana, Cooper and Brian all together to tell them all at once. His mom, nana and Brian barely even batted and eyelid and said they loved him no matter what. Brian even offered him porn. Cooper sort of looked vaguely green at the idea his baby brother was thinking about sex... it didn't matter who with. But it was his dad that when quiet. Just completely quiet and then excused himself for some air. After that, things went right downhill and after Blaine woke up after the bashing, even though his dad was there to help him right through it, the issue of Blaine being gay had always been wrong and that's where Blaine began to lose his footing on just about everything in his life.

But there was something in the tone of his dad's voice that had Blaine dropped off to sleep after the confirmation that Kurt could stay over. Lying there, the tiredness claimed him and his eyes dropped closed, even accompanied by a very soft snore. Maybe a minute passed before he abruptly snapped back awake and shot up, looking around groggily and disoriented for a moment until he realised what happened. It was probably extremely telling that his dad's words had inviting some sort of inner peace into Blaine finally that he could feel at ease and relaxed for the first time in a long time. He looked at his father through hooded, sleepy eyes and yawned. "Think I need t'go bed..." he mumbled and rubbed his eyes slowly as he tried to fight it.