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queerasglee2012-07-20 12:21 am
rockstarwarbler.livejournal.com) wrote in queerasglee2012-07-20 12:21 am
"Doctor, doctor, give me the news."
Who: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rockstarwarbler and bad2theboner
What: Doctor-patient confidentiality
Where: Pittsburgh University Medical Center
When: After Kurt and Blaine's hook up
Blaine's polished and pristine shoes skidded on the lino when he raced into the exam room where Dr Pearson was waiting for him. He was breathless from running as fast as he could from his car into the hospital. He was panting, trying to catch his breath and he held up his hand. "I am... so... sorry... I'm late... I fell... asleep with... I just, um... yeah. Really... sorry," he got out, sucking in some deep breaths. He was nearly 45 minutes late, and had gotten a phone call through to the clinic to say he would be late, but he still felt bad. The thing was, both he and Kurt had fallen asleep together on his bed when they got caught up in that extremely lovely slow and soft making out. Blaine was woken by a shake from Kurt telling him it was nearly three o'clock and by that point, taking into account the drive to Pittsburgh, he was going to be late for his appointment. He didn't want to miss another one, so he got there as quickly as he could... but only after a frantic few more kisses with Kurt at the top of the spiral staircase they met on when Kurt waved him off.
The entire drive, all of Blaine's thoughts were consumed with Kurt. He couldn't stop thinking about his boyfriend - and wow, BOYFRIEND - and he kept catching himself grinning stupidly to himself when he thought about the all the little things he really did adore about Kurt, and hadn't let himself just enjoy until now. He hadn't ever been this happy, he was sure of it, and he wanted to sing about it from the rooftops. He still had the hard roadblock of his father, though, and that thought had crashed him back to reality as he drove into Pittsburgh. He was really nervous about telling his dad, and he hoped he could find the courage to do it. But now, he shrugged his blazer off and climbed up on the exam table for Andrew to examine him. He always got checked over physically, and then Andrew would ask him more pointed questions about how he was with everything.
"You're fine, Blaine. I got the phone message, it's all good. Just sit and catch your breath for a moment, buddy," Andrew told him in amusement. Blaine was panting deeply and his face was bright red from exertion with a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. He went over and got the kid a cup of water from the cooler. "How have you been? I haven't seen you since just after Christmas. Anything going on with your head or otherwise we should take a look at? I wanted to ask you, first, though, Blaine if you're okay with continuing your appointments with me. You have to know you're under no obligation to and you're always welcome to find another doctor if you're not happy with how things are going. You won't offend me if you want any of that. Or maybe you want someone closer to Dalton. You're one of my miracle cases, kiddo, and it's been something unbelievable for me to watch you recover and get back on your feet after everything, but you don't have to just stick with me because I was your doctor when you were in hospital."
Blaine sipped his water and then just sat, eyes getting just that little bit wider with a confused blink as Andrew spoke. "I... don't get it. Do I suck as a patient, or something? Is this because I was late and cancelled our last appointment? I swear, I didn't mean both of those things! It doesn't mean I hate you as a doctor or want to change! You're, like, the only doctor other than my shrink I've ever felt really cared about me. You've stuck with me all this time and you don't make me feel like I'm whining about insignificant things. Plus, my dad listens to you and I don't feel like he listens to anyone anymore... least of all me. I can keep you as my doctor, right? Or is this your subtle way of trying to tell me you can't be anyway? I mean, I've been okay. Today was awesome! It was, like, the best day ever. I'm good today, but lately things have been sort of... weird. Confusing. But it's not physical or anything. Although, I have had more migraines lately. Bad ones."
Andrew grabbed some gloves and pulled them, walking behind the exam table Blaine was sitting on. "I'm just going to have a check of your neck and spine to star with, okay? And absolutely not. I'll be your doctor as long as you need me to be, Blaine. I just had to ask, because you're of consenting age now and it's your choice who you want to get medical care from. It's just my duty to open those lines of communication with you in case you weren't aware you had options." He started to gently examine Blaine's neck, trying to see if there was anything amiss that might be impacting on an increase in the migraines. "How often is more, buddy? I actually ran into your dad at the grocery store the other day. He was with a friend, Emmett, and it was mentioned you had gotten quite drunk not long ago. Was that just teenage fun or was there a reason you wanted to get drunk? Alcohol can be a big trigger of migraines. Was this just a one-off, or are you drinking frequently?" There was now way Andrew had any intentions of mentioning how Blaine's dad had made him personally feel. It was irrelevant. Though it did catch his attention when Blaine said his dad didn't listen to him. There seemed to be more behind that statement.
"Uh..." It wasn't the most eloquent of starts, but there was nothing about any of that Blaine was proud of. In fact, if Kurt hadn't been so classy with the whole thing, there was no way Kurt would he his boyfriend now. And there it was again, the warm butterfly feeling inside when he thought about dating Kurt and their kiss. "Um, no. Okay, yes, I guess once I realised it was on offer, drinking seemed like a good idea. But it wasn't like that. It was a party at Kurt's friend's place and everyone was drinking. Kurt took me along as a favour to get to know his friends, so I felt like I had to to fit in, you know? But I got trashed. I think my friend Puck was sort of giving me more booze than I intended, and it was all just a giant mistake. Like you wouldn't believe, and it made me so sick. I was sick for days, I couldn't stop puking and my head felt like it had been run over. It was only about the second time ever I've had alcohol and I really don't like it much. I won't do it again. The migraines were getting bad before that. I guess I've sort of been... stressing a lot lately. Trying to figure stuff out in my head, and feeling like I've been getting it all wrong. But I think I've finally got it right."
Blaine's neck seemed okay, so Andrew came back around to stand in front of him, pulling the obs trolley with him. "Yeah? You said today was one of the best ever. Has that got something to do with getting it right? I am glad to hear you haven't been needing to drink for other reasons, though. It's not like you wouldn't have reason to maybe feel like that, but it's not a route you want to take, bud. It will cause you more mess than not, plus if you ever need to resort to those painkillers I've prescribed you, the alcohol will wreak havoc with them. We'll talk about maybe changing up your migraine medication. We have a few other options we can try to control them and I'd like to trial them with you. I know they make you sick, so there is a nasal spray option. It's just an inhaler so you can get the medicine into you if you're vomiting and can't keep pills down. Plus something called a Beta-blocker. It's a little pill you'll take each night before bed. This sort of medication has a lot to do with controlling how the blood interacts with different parts of the body. They've been known to significantly reduce migraines in some people, so it's worth a shot, if you want to. Again, you don't have to if you don't want to. Another is an injection when you get them, but I know you're not good with needles, so we won't go there unless absolutely necessary. But you hit the nail on the head, bud. Stress will make you worse. I wish I could say otherwise."
Blaine sucked on his lip for a moment, but there was no stopping the grin trying to break out. He hadn't told anyone, and he had to tell someone before he burst with excitement. "I have a boyfriend," he confessed bashfully, the smile coming out now ten-fold with a hint of a blush in his cheeks. "I think I've had feelings for him for ages, but I didn't know because my dad didn't want me to be gay so I was trying to just go with that so he didn't have to worry. But... I am. I'm gay. I tried to change, but this is who I am and all the stupid things I was trying to do to just figure out who the hell I was, I missed what was right there in front of me the whole time. And he's amazing, he's beautiful, and talented. Our Warblers canary died and Kurt had been taking care of him. He got really upset and he was crying, he wanted to sing a song because Kurt has this amazing and deep way he invests his heart in things, and that's when I realised how much I cared about him."
He took a quick breath, wetting his lips. "Then today, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt. It took me a few days, but I got there, and we kissed and now we're dating, and I... I feel happy for the first time in years. Maybe even forever. I can be completely me with Kurt, and I don't think there is anyone else in the world I can be that. Ever since I got bashed, Dad has this complex that if I'm gay, I'm going to die or get hurt. It's... been hard to handle. Feeling like who I am is going to kill me and that I couldn't even talk to him about everything to do with coming out. He was still in shock that I was even gay and had come out, then I got bashed, so... I've just sort of done it all on my own, and I guess that's why I've been even more confused and stressed lately, because Kurt changed my life and I've had these feelings for him I was trying to push away so I didn't freak Dad out. I can't hide it anymore, though. I want to try and feel normal for once. I'm proud of Kurt, and I want to be with him like a normal couple, not feel like it's dirty and we have to hide it away."
Even though Andrew's heart was breaking as Blaine continued, he gave him an encouraging smile to hear about his boyfriend. He gave the teenager's shoulder a squeeze. "That's wonderful news, Blaine. You don't just sound happy, you look happy. I remember you mentioning Kurt last time we spoke, you sounded close even then. I'm happy for you and I think you did well with that courage. Dealing with boys and romance is a nervy thing." All this stuff about Blaine's father, though, Andrew had no idea and he had to wonder if this was part of the reason why he had been on the receiving end of an icy cold shoulder. He knew Michael was gay himself because the family history of his husband dying of HIV had come out in Blaine's medical background in the wake of his bashing. His great uncle and adoptive father had died of HIV. He didn't think Michael was homophobic, especially considering Emmett was screaming and apparently one of Michael's closest friends.
It wasn't homophobia, but whatever it was, it was sad and it was clearly impacting negatively on Blaine, and that's where Andrew's concern came in. If Michael didn't want Blaine gay, maybe he didn't want himself gay anymore either? He had to wonder if Michael even realised how much turmoil Blaine had been in over this, and not just emotional but if Blaine was reporting increasing migraines, physical as well. Plus, Blaine had a history of suicidal ideation and attempt. Emotional strain of this sort could be horrific if it impacted on him hard enough. Andrew had been on shift that night, too. Blaine's grandmother, Debbie, had come in the ambulance with him. Blaine was barely conscious and Andrew pumped his stomach and had him drinking charcoal solution for the rest of the night. "Being gay won't kill you, Blaine. You can't be scared of who you are, buddy. You're fighting emotional battles enough with your post-traumatic stress and you have worked so hard to get where you are now. Maybe you and your dad can get some counselling together? It sounds like he hasn't dealt with a lot of things in he past, and tried to stifle it rather than have the balls to face it like you have. But you need to look after youself, Blaine. He might be trying to protect you in the ways he assumes is right, but it sounds like it has actually caused you a lot more grief than help."
Blaine gave a little nod. "It's hurt a bit... a lot," he corrected quietly. "I have a lot of people that care about me, but all I ever wanted was a good relationship with my dad and brothers. To feel like I can go to them if I need to, if I have a problem, or if I'm just scared or not feeling good inside. It's been a long time since I've felt that. I mean, I love my dad. He's my dad! But I feel like everything I am is wrong for him, or causing him stress because that's what I am. I haven't even told him much about Kurt because I felt like he would try and tell me I couldn't be Kurt's friend because he was gay. I don't know if I was just being irrational with that, but losing Kurt as a friend wasn't something I was willing to risk, because he's been amazing. He doesn't judge me, he accepts me completely, and we have similar tastes in things, we have fun. I have tried to be what Dad needs me to be, but I can't... and I feel like I've failed him. I can't even hardly talk to him anymore, because it always leads into all the things I shouldn't be doing to stay safe. Before I met Kurt, there were some days I just felt so down, I didn't want to get out of bed. All I had was the Warblers to look forward to. Everything else felt bleak. Kurt saved me. But I don't think Dad would understand that because he would probably just think Kurt would lead me more into the gay where I catch HIV from breathing on gay guys or get bashed for just saying the G word. It makes my head hurt."
"Has your dad ever taken medication for depression or anything, Blaine? I understand that he probably has a lot in his life that he's trying to deal with, but you're my patient, buddy. I need to think about you and your welfare. Right now, I am glad Kurt has been there for you and helped you, saved you. I really am. But take Kurt out of the equation for a moment, and that is you telling me you've been miserable and we need to try to make sure you're has happy and healthy as you can be." Andrew paused, trying to figure out how best to deal with this, because it wasn't like he could approach Michael now to discuss Blaine with him after the supermarket encounter. Of course, even if he did, Michael was going to fly off the deep end and accuse Andrew of targeting him when he knew best for his son anyway. It was one of the hardest situaion Andrew had been in, yet still, he needed to put Blaine's welfare first, not Blaine's father's. "This is what we're going to do, Blaine. I'm going to prescribe you some stronger medication for your migraines and I'm also going to put you on a mild anti-depressant. But I want you to talk to your dad about both things, okay? The reason I want to trial the anti-depressant is because even though we have worked hard with your recovery and you're a lot better within yourself now, a lot of it is factored down to Kurt. I think your general mood is still lax and the PTSD makes it hard for you to process emotional events like you should be. It's not healthy for you to be so up and down, Blaine. To be happy and bright with Kurt and the Warblers, but to crash miserably in a lot of other facets of your life. How have the nightmares been? Your sleep patterns. Last time we spoke, you said you still had times you couldn't sleep well."
Medication. Blaine didn't know how he felt about that, but it was true what Andrew was saying. There were times Blaine just felt miserable and like he couldn't cope. And those times were when he still felt like he couldn't go to his dad about things. He could see what Andrew was gently suggesting here. That maybe his dad had issues of his own, but that Blaine still had to take care of himself beyond that, which he wasn't really managing. He was having Kurt there to connect to, but that wasn't fair on Kurt to be shouldering. Kurt had already suffered the brunt of Blaine's confusion over his sexuality with the drunk kiss when he felt like it was a way to be straight to please his dad. Maybe a lot of that was his own PTSD inflicting his reactions. The last thing he wanted was him being a mental case affecting his new relationship with Kurt... especially when he still hadn't found the right time to tell Kurt he had been gay-bashed yet. And Kurt had his own stuff to deal with, his own bullying, his dad being sick recently. Blaine had to be okay to support Kurt just as much as Kurt was supporting him. He was frowning in concentration, process it all. "Okay..." he murmured with a nod. "But, um... does this mean I'm crazy? I don't feel crazy. Just... sad sometimes. I don't sleep well a lot of the time. I wake up in the night, sometimes can't get to sleep with things going on in my head, and I have nightmares maybe, once a week. My room mate at Dalton is great, though. He understands."
Andrew shook his head. "No. Very much no. You're not crazy, Blaine. Many, many people take anti-depressants to help their mood. You have suffered distinct trauma at a very young age, you had severe head injuries. It's a difficult thing to explain in intricate detail without getting extensively medical, but a brain is a very delicate thing, in control of the entire rest of the body. Having trauma can affect you in many different ways. What this means for you is that physically, you have healed really well. We were always lucky to just escape with migraines, but mentally and emotionally, you're a little more scarred, buddy. You need help with that because the brain often can't fix itself like a body can. That's where we're at right now. We've tried things, therapy, and other cognitive treatment when you were in rehab, but you're still not quite right inside, and you know that. You know that better than anyone. Which is where I come in, and I'll talk to your therapist if you give me the authority to. We'll work on a regime together. We'll get you back up, okay? So you can enjoy your boyfriend and not have your past continuously wearing you down and making you sad. But you do need to talk to your dad. Can you do that, Blaine? I can talk to him with you, but it needs to be you now you're not a kid anymore. I think with everything your dad is facing and trying to deal with, you're the only one who can really help him to understand you. No one else can do that."
"I understand," Blaine said softly. And he did. The way Andrew put it, he really did. "I need to talk to Dad, not be scared to talk to him. I have a lot I need to talk to him about. I-I hope he's okay..." he added, biting on his lip in concern.
Andrew rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder again. "Hey, let's try these new tactics here, okay. It's okay to be worried about your dad, but he's a grown man with a whole life of experience to draw on. You're still the kid and you need to tell him how best to protect you now. You talk to your dad, okay? We can make another appointment time in a few days and see about getting you on those medications. Maybe you can bring Kurt with you?" he suggested.
But Blaine gave a distinct shake of his head as he stood up and grabbed his blazer. "No, I can't. I haven't told him I was bashed yet. I will, when the time is right. Like I said, I've been confused about myself and I haven't confided in Kurt as much as I should have, but I will now. I just need time. I'll come back, though, and I'll try to start talking to dad tonight. Can I, um... can I call you if I need help? Like medical and stuff?" he asked nervously.
"Any time," Andrew told him. "Call the number on my card, and the hospital can page me straight away." He went over to the sink and took out a jar from underneath it, offering it out to Blaine. "Lollipop? I think you've earned it this time," he said to lighten the mood.
Blaine just had to give a small laugh at that and shoved his hand into the jar to select a red lollipop. "Thanks, Dr Pearson. You really are the best doctor, and I'm glad you didn't tell me you couldn't see me anymore. Knowing my luck, I'd end up with someone mean like Dr House. I'll see you in a few days, yeah? I promise, I'll talk to Dad," he emphasised and then left, know he now had to somehow face just that without throwing up or wetting himself.
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE
rockstarwarbler and bad2thebonerWhat: Doctor-patient confidentiality
Where: Pittsburgh University Medical Center
When: After Kurt and Blaine's hook up
Blaine's polished and pristine shoes skidded on the lino when he raced into the exam room where Dr Pearson was waiting for him. He was breathless from running as fast as he could from his car into the hospital. He was panting, trying to catch his breath and he held up his hand. "I am... so... sorry... I'm late... I fell... asleep with... I just, um... yeah. Really... sorry," he got out, sucking in some deep breaths. He was nearly 45 minutes late, and had gotten a phone call through to the clinic to say he would be late, but he still felt bad. The thing was, both he and Kurt had fallen asleep together on his bed when they got caught up in that extremely lovely slow and soft making out. Blaine was woken by a shake from Kurt telling him it was nearly three o'clock and by that point, taking into account the drive to Pittsburgh, he was going to be late for his appointment. He didn't want to miss another one, so he got there as quickly as he could... but only after a frantic few more kisses with Kurt at the top of the spiral staircase they met on when Kurt waved him off.
The entire drive, all of Blaine's thoughts were consumed with Kurt. He couldn't stop thinking about his boyfriend - and wow, BOYFRIEND - and he kept catching himself grinning stupidly to himself when he thought about the all the little things he really did adore about Kurt, and hadn't let himself just enjoy until now. He hadn't ever been this happy, he was sure of it, and he wanted to sing about it from the rooftops. He still had the hard roadblock of his father, though, and that thought had crashed him back to reality as he drove into Pittsburgh. He was really nervous about telling his dad, and he hoped he could find the courage to do it. But now, he shrugged his blazer off and climbed up on the exam table for Andrew to examine him. He always got checked over physically, and then Andrew would ask him more pointed questions about how he was with everything.
"You're fine, Blaine. I got the phone message, it's all good. Just sit and catch your breath for a moment, buddy," Andrew told him in amusement. Blaine was panting deeply and his face was bright red from exertion with a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. He went over and got the kid a cup of water from the cooler. "How have you been? I haven't seen you since just after Christmas. Anything going on with your head or otherwise we should take a look at? I wanted to ask you, first, though, Blaine if you're okay with continuing your appointments with me. You have to know you're under no obligation to and you're always welcome to find another doctor if you're not happy with how things are going. You won't offend me if you want any of that. Or maybe you want someone closer to Dalton. You're one of my miracle cases, kiddo, and it's been something unbelievable for me to watch you recover and get back on your feet after everything, but you don't have to just stick with me because I was your doctor when you were in hospital."
Blaine sipped his water and then just sat, eyes getting just that little bit wider with a confused blink as Andrew spoke. "I... don't get it. Do I suck as a patient, or something? Is this because I was late and cancelled our last appointment? I swear, I didn't mean both of those things! It doesn't mean I hate you as a doctor or want to change! You're, like, the only doctor other than my shrink I've ever felt really cared about me. You've stuck with me all this time and you don't make me feel like I'm whining about insignificant things. Plus, my dad listens to you and I don't feel like he listens to anyone anymore... least of all me. I can keep you as my doctor, right? Or is this your subtle way of trying to tell me you can't be anyway? I mean, I've been okay. Today was awesome! It was, like, the best day ever. I'm good today, but lately things have been sort of... weird. Confusing. But it's not physical or anything. Although, I have had more migraines lately. Bad ones."
Andrew grabbed some gloves and pulled them, walking behind the exam table Blaine was sitting on. "I'm just going to have a check of your neck and spine to star with, okay? And absolutely not. I'll be your doctor as long as you need me to be, Blaine. I just had to ask, because you're of consenting age now and it's your choice who you want to get medical care from. It's just my duty to open those lines of communication with you in case you weren't aware you had options." He started to gently examine Blaine's neck, trying to see if there was anything amiss that might be impacting on an increase in the migraines. "How often is more, buddy? I actually ran into your dad at the grocery store the other day. He was with a friend, Emmett, and it was mentioned you had gotten quite drunk not long ago. Was that just teenage fun or was there a reason you wanted to get drunk? Alcohol can be a big trigger of migraines. Was this just a one-off, or are you drinking frequently?" There was now way Andrew had any intentions of mentioning how Blaine's dad had made him personally feel. It was irrelevant. Though it did catch his attention when Blaine said his dad didn't listen to him. There seemed to be more behind that statement.
"Uh..." It wasn't the most eloquent of starts, but there was nothing about any of that Blaine was proud of. In fact, if Kurt hadn't been so classy with the whole thing, there was no way Kurt would he his boyfriend now. And there it was again, the warm butterfly feeling inside when he thought about dating Kurt and their kiss. "Um, no. Okay, yes, I guess once I realised it was on offer, drinking seemed like a good idea. But it wasn't like that. It was a party at Kurt's friend's place and everyone was drinking. Kurt took me along as a favour to get to know his friends, so I felt like I had to to fit in, you know? But I got trashed. I think my friend Puck was sort of giving me more booze than I intended, and it was all just a giant mistake. Like you wouldn't believe, and it made me so sick. I was sick for days, I couldn't stop puking and my head felt like it had been run over. It was only about the second time ever I've had alcohol and I really don't like it much. I won't do it again. The migraines were getting bad before that. I guess I've sort of been... stressing a lot lately. Trying to figure stuff out in my head, and feeling like I've been getting it all wrong. But I think I've finally got it right."
Blaine's neck seemed okay, so Andrew came back around to stand in front of him, pulling the obs trolley with him. "Yeah? You said today was one of the best ever. Has that got something to do with getting it right? I am glad to hear you haven't been needing to drink for other reasons, though. It's not like you wouldn't have reason to maybe feel like that, but it's not a route you want to take, bud. It will cause you more mess than not, plus if you ever need to resort to those painkillers I've prescribed you, the alcohol will wreak havoc with them. We'll talk about maybe changing up your migraine medication. We have a few other options we can try to control them and I'd like to trial them with you. I know they make you sick, so there is a nasal spray option. It's just an inhaler so you can get the medicine into you if you're vomiting and can't keep pills down. Plus something called a Beta-blocker. It's a little pill you'll take each night before bed. This sort of medication has a lot to do with controlling how the blood interacts with different parts of the body. They've been known to significantly reduce migraines in some people, so it's worth a shot, if you want to. Again, you don't have to if you don't want to. Another is an injection when you get them, but I know you're not good with needles, so we won't go there unless absolutely necessary. But you hit the nail on the head, bud. Stress will make you worse. I wish I could say otherwise."
Blaine sucked on his lip for a moment, but there was no stopping the grin trying to break out. He hadn't told anyone, and he had to tell someone before he burst with excitement. "I have a boyfriend," he confessed bashfully, the smile coming out now ten-fold with a hint of a blush in his cheeks. "I think I've had feelings for him for ages, but I didn't know because my dad didn't want me to be gay so I was trying to just go with that so he didn't have to worry. But... I am. I'm gay. I tried to change, but this is who I am and all the stupid things I was trying to do to just figure out who the hell I was, I missed what was right there in front of me the whole time. And he's amazing, he's beautiful, and talented. Our Warblers canary died and Kurt had been taking care of him. He got really upset and he was crying, he wanted to sing a song because Kurt has this amazing and deep way he invests his heart in things, and that's when I realised how much I cared about him."
He took a quick breath, wetting his lips. "Then today, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt. It took me a few days, but I got there, and we kissed and now we're dating, and I... I feel happy for the first time in years. Maybe even forever. I can be completely me with Kurt, and I don't think there is anyone else in the world I can be that. Ever since I got bashed, Dad has this complex that if I'm gay, I'm going to die or get hurt. It's... been hard to handle. Feeling like who I am is going to kill me and that I couldn't even talk to him about everything to do with coming out. He was still in shock that I was even gay and had come out, then I got bashed, so... I've just sort of done it all on my own, and I guess that's why I've been even more confused and stressed lately, because Kurt changed my life and I've had these feelings for him I was trying to push away so I didn't freak Dad out. I can't hide it anymore, though. I want to try and feel normal for once. I'm proud of Kurt, and I want to be with him like a normal couple, not feel like it's dirty and we have to hide it away."
Even though Andrew's heart was breaking as Blaine continued, he gave him an encouraging smile to hear about his boyfriend. He gave the teenager's shoulder a squeeze. "That's wonderful news, Blaine. You don't just sound happy, you look happy. I remember you mentioning Kurt last time we spoke, you sounded close even then. I'm happy for you and I think you did well with that courage. Dealing with boys and romance is a nervy thing." All this stuff about Blaine's father, though, Andrew had no idea and he had to wonder if this was part of the reason why he had been on the receiving end of an icy cold shoulder. He knew Michael was gay himself because the family history of his husband dying of HIV had come out in Blaine's medical background in the wake of his bashing. His great uncle and adoptive father had died of HIV. He didn't think Michael was homophobic, especially considering Emmett was screaming and apparently one of Michael's closest friends.
It wasn't homophobia, but whatever it was, it was sad and it was clearly impacting negatively on Blaine, and that's where Andrew's concern came in. If Michael didn't want Blaine gay, maybe he didn't want himself gay anymore either? He had to wonder if Michael even realised how much turmoil Blaine had been in over this, and not just emotional but if Blaine was reporting increasing migraines, physical as well. Plus, Blaine had a history of suicidal ideation and attempt. Emotional strain of this sort could be horrific if it impacted on him hard enough. Andrew had been on shift that night, too. Blaine's grandmother, Debbie, had come in the ambulance with him. Blaine was barely conscious and Andrew pumped his stomach and had him drinking charcoal solution for the rest of the night. "Being gay won't kill you, Blaine. You can't be scared of who you are, buddy. You're fighting emotional battles enough with your post-traumatic stress and you have worked so hard to get where you are now. Maybe you and your dad can get some counselling together? It sounds like he hasn't dealt with a lot of things in he past, and tried to stifle it rather than have the balls to face it like you have. But you need to look after youself, Blaine. He might be trying to protect you in the ways he assumes is right, but it sounds like it has actually caused you a lot more grief than help."
Blaine gave a little nod. "It's hurt a bit... a lot," he corrected quietly. "I have a lot of people that care about me, but all I ever wanted was a good relationship with my dad and brothers. To feel like I can go to them if I need to, if I have a problem, or if I'm just scared or not feeling good inside. It's been a long time since I've felt that. I mean, I love my dad. He's my dad! But I feel like everything I am is wrong for him, or causing him stress because that's what I am. I haven't even told him much about Kurt because I felt like he would try and tell me I couldn't be Kurt's friend because he was gay. I don't know if I was just being irrational with that, but losing Kurt as a friend wasn't something I was willing to risk, because he's been amazing. He doesn't judge me, he accepts me completely, and we have similar tastes in things, we have fun. I have tried to be what Dad needs me to be, but I can't... and I feel like I've failed him. I can't even hardly talk to him anymore, because it always leads into all the things I shouldn't be doing to stay safe. Before I met Kurt, there were some days I just felt so down, I didn't want to get out of bed. All I had was the Warblers to look forward to. Everything else felt bleak. Kurt saved me. But I don't think Dad would understand that because he would probably just think Kurt would lead me more into the gay where I catch HIV from breathing on gay guys or get bashed for just saying the G word. It makes my head hurt."
"Has your dad ever taken medication for depression or anything, Blaine? I understand that he probably has a lot in his life that he's trying to deal with, but you're my patient, buddy. I need to think about you and your welfare. Right now, I am glad Kurt has been there for you and helped you, saved you. I really am. But take Kurt out of the equation for a moment, and that is you telling me you've been miserable and we need to try to make sure you're has happy and healthy as you can be." Andrew paused, trying to figure out how best to deal with this, because it wasn't like he could approach Michael now to discuss Blaine with him after the supermarket encounter. Of course, even if he did, Michael was going to fly off the deep end and accuse Andrew of targeting him when he knew best for his son anyway. It was one of the hardest situaion Andrew had been in, yet still, he needed to put Blaine's welfare first, not Blaine's father's. "This is what we're going to do, Blaine. I'm going to prescribe you some stronger medication for your migraines and I'm also going to put you on a mild anti-depressant. But I want you to talk to your dad about both things, okay? The reason I want to trial the anti-depressant is because even though we have worked hard with your recovery and you're a lot better within yourself now, a lot of it is factored down to Kurt. I think your general mood is still lax and the PTSD makes it hard for you to process emotional events like you should be. It's not healthy for you to be so up and down, Blaine. To be happy and bright with Kurt and the Warblers, but to crash miserably in a lot of other facets of your life. How have the nightmares been? Your sleep patterns. Last time we spoke, you said you still had times you couldn't sleep well."
Medication. Blaine didn't know how he felt about that, but it was true what Andrew was saying. There were times Blaine just felt miserable and like he couldn't cope. And those times were when he still felt like he couldn't go to his dad about things. He could see what Andrew was gently suggesting here. That maybe his dad had issues of his own, but that Blaine still had to take care of himself beyond that, which he wasn't really managing. He was having Kurt there to connect to, but that wasn't fair on Kurt to be shouldering. Kurt had already suffered the brunt of Blaine's confusion over his sexuality with the drunk kiss when he felt like it was a way to be straight to please his dad. Maybe a lot of that was his own PTSD inflicting his reactions. The last thing he wanted was him being a mental case affecting his new relationship with Kurt... especially when he still hadn't found the right time to tell Kurt he had been gay-bashed yet. And Kurt had his own stuff to deal with, his own bullying, his dad being sick recently. Blaine had to be okay to support Kurt just as much as Kurt was supporting him. He was frowning in concentration, process it all. "Okay..." he murmured with a nod. "But, um... does this mean I'm crazy? I don't feel crazy. Just... sad sometimes. I don't sleep well a lot of the time. I wake up in the night, sometimes can't get to sleep with things going on in my head, and I have nightmares maybe, once a week. My room mate at Dalton is great, though. He understands."
Andrew shook his head. "No. Very much no. You're not crazy, Blaine. Many, many people take anti-depressants to help their mood. You have suffered distinct trauma at a very young age, you had severe head injuries. It's a difficult thing to explain in intricate detail without getting extensively medical, but a brain is a very delicate thing, in control of the entire rest of the body. Having trauma can affect you in many different ways. What this means for you is that physically, you have healed really well. We were always lucky to just escape with migraines, but mentally and emotionally, you're a little more scarred, buddy. You need help with that because the brain often can't fix itself like a body can. That's where we're at right now. We've tried things, therapy, and other cognitive treatment when you were in rehab, but you're still not quite right inside, and you know that. You know that better than anyone. Which is where I come in, and I'll talk to your therapist if you give me the authority to. We'll work on a regime together. We'll get you back up, okay? So you can enjoy your boyfriend and not have your past continuously wearing you down and making you sad. But you do need to talk to your dad. Can you do that, Blaine? I can talk to him with you, but it needs to be you now you're not a kid anymore. I think with everything your dad is facing and trying to deal with, you're the only one who can really help him to understand you. No one else can do that."
"I understand," Blaine said softly. And he did. The way Andrew put it, he really did. "I need to talk to Dad, not be scared to talk to him. I have a lot I need to talk to him about. I-I hope he's okay..." he added, biting on his lip in concern.
Andrew rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder again. "Hey, let's try these new tactics here, okay. It's okay to be worried about your dad, but he's a grown man with a whole life of experience to draw on. You're still the kid and you need to tell him how best to protect you now. You talk to your dad, okay? We can make another appointment time in a few days and see about getting you on those medications. Maybe you can bring Kurt with you?" he suggested.
But Blaine gave a distinct shake of his head as he stood up and grabbed his blazer. "No, I can't. I haven't told him I was bashed yet. I will, when the time is right. Like I said, I've been confused about myself and I haven't confided in Kurt as much as I should have, but I will now. I just need time. I'll come back, though, and I'll try to start talking to dad tonight. Can I, um... can I call you if I need help? Like medical and stuff?" he asked nervously.
"Any time," Andrew told him. "Call the number on my card, and the hospital can page me straight away." He went over to the sink and took out a jar from underneath it, offering it out to Blaine. "Lollipop? I think you've earned it this time," he said to lighten the mood.
Blaine just had to give a small laugh at that and shoved his hand into the jar to select a red lollipop. "Thanks, Dr Pearson. You really are the best doctor, and I'm glad you didn't tell me you couldn't see me anymore. Knowing my luck, I'd end up with someone mean like Dr House. I'll see you in a few days, yeah? I promise, I'll talk to Dad," he emphasised and then left, know he now had to somehow face just that without throwing up or wetting himself.
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE