queerasglee | "He may not have a clue, he may not have style, but everything he lacks well he makes up in denial."

Entry tags:

"He may not have a clue, he may not have style, but everything he lacks well he makes up in denial."

Who: Blaine Anderson and Michael Novotny
What: That awkward moment where your dad wants to have The Talk
Where: Notovy-Anderson Home, Pittsburgh
When: Evening after Kurt and Blaine's duet at Regionals

The Warblers didn't win Regionals, and ended up losing out to New Directions. Blaine could hardly even care, though, because it had still been amazing. He got to sing a duet with his boyfriend in front of a huge crowd of people, and it had been one of the best moments of his life. Things with Kurt were still going strong, and Blaine felt like he was walking on Cloud Nine. They spent every minute they could together, and were already getting mocked by their friends about being caught making out together all the time instead of focusing on whatever it was they should have been. The competition was over now, and tomorrow was Monday. They would lay Pavarotti to rest before school in a nice little place under a big tree in the Dalton ground Kurt had found, and then the night after, they were going to go to Kurt's old school for a benefit concert. Kurt was looking forward to Blaine seeing his old stamping ground, and Blaine was excited to see more of Kurt's home.

It was saying goodbye after the competition to go back to their respective home towns, though, that had created somewhat of an awkward moment Blaine hadn't planned for. He had been saying goodbye to Kurt outside the concert hall, and they found a little quiet corner to to end up wrapped up in an embrace and liplocked heatedly. It was quite the epic goodbye kiss, still pumped from their duet together, even if they would see each other again in the morning. Blaine had Kurt up against the wall and they were just forgetting the rest of the world existed when there had been a soft clear of a throat, and they broke apart in surprise to find Blaine's dad standing there looking a little embarrassed, but told Blaine they needed to hit the road to make it back to Pittsburgh for dinner at Nana Deb's place.

And that was what led to an awkward drive home where Blaine kept the music turned up really loud so his dad didn't ask him about the intense make-out session with Kurt, knowing it was the first time his father had actually seen him in any level of intimacy with another guy... especially kissing. It would have pretty much sealed the deal in his dad's head that Blaine was very gay, and enjoying every minute of his exploration of it. Now they were back home and Blaine had just taken a shower. He was in his pyjamas, nursing a cup of tea curled up on the sofa ready to check out what was on TV. His belly was as full as it could be with his nana's awesome Italian cooking, and after his brilliant day, he was feeling very content and relaxed for the first time in a long, long time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Michael couldn't have been prouder as he watched his son sing a duet with his boyfriend onstage. For all the fears and hang ups he had about his son being gay, finally seeing the boy stick to his guns and perform with another guy? It said a lot about the strong and amazing son that Michael was blessed with. There were actually moments when Michael felt sure he was actually going to tear up. They didn't win, though, and Michael had an internal Debbie Novotny moment when he had to fight every internal urge in him to stand up and ask the judges just what the fuck they were thinking, because the Warblers were clearly better than the Nude Erections, or whatever that other group was called, and had they even heard his kid sing, because damn. But he kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted to do was go from Blaine thinking his dad didn't support him at all, to being that embarrassing parent who never shut up about how awesome their kid was and made said kid want to crawl in a hole.

When he found his son after the performance, tucked into a corner in a heated kiss with Kurt, Michael had been a little surprised, though honestly, he wasn't sure why. Blaine was gay, in a relationship, and with a gorgeous guy. Of course he would be physically attracted to him, and doing things like kissing. But damn was that a heavy kiss going on, and Michael had finally had to interrupt, kind of embarrassed at having walked up on something so intimate between his son and the guy he was dating. But once it was broken off, and Michael and Blaine were headed home, the knowledge hit him hard and fast that he needed to talk to Blaine about the facts of life the birds and the bees sex, and sooner rather than later. But Blaine was clearly feeling the awkward, and there was no chance to speak of it because the music was ridiculously loud. So instead, Michael participated in a Queen sing-a-long all the way home, awkward though it was.

After dinner, and grabbing a shower of his own, Michael found Blaine in the livingroom, wet curls still sticking to his forehead after his shower. "Do you want some chocolate milk when you finish your tea, kiddo?" he asked. When Blaine was growing up, chocolate milk had been a staple at the Novotny-Anderson home. When Blaine was very small (not that that had changed all that much), he'd come home from preschool, then kindergarten, and onward, to a glass of chocolate milk with Michael as they talked about his day. Michael missed those days more than he could really wrap his mind around sometimes, and he was grateful that, at least, he and Blaine were working on things together.

Blaine had his mug poised at his lips when that suggestion came and he blinked, almost like it felt somewhat foreign to him. He realised it had been awhile since those things Michael was also pondering in his mind right now. He didn't know whether it was going to Dalton that did it, or maybe it was yet another casualty of Blaine's bashing that built yet more cracks in the father-son relationship that used to be so tight when Blaine was younger. Either way, there was still some distance between them and Blaine still didn't know how easy it would be for him to open up to his dad about anything. He could probably babble on for hours about Kurt, and how proud he was of him for their duet, and Kurt's sadness over Pavarotti, or what the next step for them could be. His relationship with Kurt was all-encompassing for Blaine right now, but it's how he wanted it. He was thriving on that happy feeling he was pretty sure he had never felt like this before. He didn't want anything to spoil it.

"Um... sure. That would be nice," he responded though now he was giving his dad a Look because there was something telling him in his gut that more was coming to this than chocolate milk. It was building up to something, and Blaine gave a quick side-eye glance of hesitation when he realised it could be about anything and he was remembering what his dad had walked in on back at the Regionals comp. It wasn't like he and Kurt were going that far, because they both agreed they weren't ready and there was nothing below the belt allowed except butt grabbing. And, well, there had been some of that going on when he had been making out with Kurt. In fact, he had been so caught up in the whole thing, he hadn't realised they had company until his dad interrupted discreetly. "Dad, is there, um... is something..." He gave a wave of his hand to finish the thought instead, not sure he really wanted to open the communication lines that much because his dad still had a look in his eye. Something was coming.

Once he had the affirmative from Blaine, Michael went over to the cabinet, pulling down two large glasses, a fond smile mixing with a light mist of tears when he realized that he'd automatically grabbed Blaine's favorite cup, a glass tumbler with Buzz Lightyear on the side. If only it were as easy to remember how to talk to his son as it was to remember how he used to make their chocolate milk. It was like clockwork, every time. The Buzz Lightyear tumbler for Blaine, a Captain Astro one for Michael, and they'd sit at the table with chocolate milk, from the time Blaine was in kindergarten, kicking his little feet in his chair because he couldn't reach the floor -- reaching the floor being a recent development as it was -- and telling Michael who he'd played with at school, and what he'd learned in class. It had continued like that for years, and Michael had missed it since that horrible night when everything had changed.

The chocolate milk made and in their glasses, Michael walked over, carefully putting Blaine's cup in front of him before sitting down with his own across the table. "Everything's okay," he assured his son, taking a sip of his milk before licking his milk-mustache away. "It's just... Blaine, I realize that I let you down in a lot of ways, and you've had to find out a lot of things on your own, but... As your dad, as crappy as I've been at that lately, I feel like we should probably have a talk about... Some things... A dad never wants to realize it's time for this talk with his son, but... I think it's pretty clear that it's time."

Blaine's hazel eyes had been watching the Buzz cup as his dad put it down in front of him, the nostalgia behind it not lost on him either. But as soon as his father began to talk and Blaine's nervous suspicions were confirmed, Blaine immediately blushed, his cheeks heating up in their red tinge. Sure, he had wanted this. He wanted to be able to go to his dad for help about this sort of stuff or get the guidance he needed, but when he felt like he couldn't, he had searched for the information himself. The websites had been surprisingly easy to come across on Brian's computer at his work. There had been all those advice blogs, and directions on sexual positions, even how to give a blow job. Blaine had been fascinated by that one, trying to envisage what a dick would feel like in his mouth. Now it was trying to envisage what Kurt's dick would feel like in his mouth. Plus, he had watched porn he found on the net.

But now this. "D-Dad, you don't... um... I... it's..." he stammered awkwardly. "I found stuff I need to know on my own. It's not... Kurt and me aren't... we're not..." And now he couldn't even form a complete sentence. He realised he was actually worrying whether his dad even wanted to do this at all, or he was just doing it because he felt guilty about everything that happened lately and all the confessions Blaine had made to him about how lonely and isolated he had been feeling. He had to avert his gaze for a moment then, and looked over to the family photos on the wall. He wondered how life would have been like for him if his other dad hadn't passed away. Probably extremely different to any of this. Probably like how Hunter said things used to be for him when he was a teenager.

Michael sometimes just had to laugh (internally at moments like this one) at the ways that his son was like him. Because that blush? The way that Blaine got embarrassed when Michael brought up the topic of sex. It was a horrible and mentally scarring experience for Michael when his mom had sat him down as a teenager with his Uncle Vic and the two of them had given him the gay version of the birds and the bees. At the time, it hadn't dawned on Michael to appreciate the fact that his mom was taking time to explain to him something very much outside her realm of actual experience, but the older he got, the more appreciative he was of what she had done for him all along the way. But his face had turned that same shade of red at the time, and he had to bite his tongue to keep a straight face when Blaine's did the same thing.

"I know," Michael replied calmly. "I know you probably know most of the technical side of things from the internet, but... Listen, Blaine. Here's the thing. Knowing the technical things has nothing to do with the values that you have for yourself about sex. You and Kurt haven't had sex yet, and I think... I think that's a good thing. It gives you more time to start to understand more about yourselves and find your feet in the relationship. I want you to know I'm proud of you for not just following the crowd and doing it because it's what everybody else does when they start dating. But I'm not going to do all the talking this time, Blaine... I've done more than my share of that over the last while. I want you to tell me what you think about sex... About your values, your ideas about it... What's important to you."

Blaine was bracing himself to get the Talk by this point. He was working himself up to it because it was coming right when he thought it would never happen for him. He wasn't exactly sure what crowd he was supposed to be following into having sex when he had no idea how to even appropriately recognise his feelings for someone special. He was just trying to figure that out when his father continued.

And at this, Blaine actually made a scoffing sound and turned to his dad with an indignant and defensive expression. "What the hell?! All the people in the world that have to sit through the sex talk from their parents and you're making me do all the talking?! How is that even fair? You're supposed to be the father here, not me! I thought that's what all this was about? You think after years of just... nothing, I'm going to sit here and tell you what I'm thinking about sex?! No! That's embarrassing. I'm not doing that! I'm not even having sex, so how the hell am I supposed to know?! I don't have values! I don't have ideas! I've spent the last year and a half trying to figure out how not to be gay, so it's not exactly been conducive to any ideas! I could be out and proud at Dalton where I knew I was safe, but everywhere else, even in my own house, it was frowned upon! Why can't you be like Kurt's dad? He helps him with everything! He's straight and even went to a free clinic to get Kurt information on sex to help him! But you sit me down to apparently try to help me and want me to do all the talking? What the hell?"

Blaine's reaction, while somewhat unexpected, was understandable. Michael hadn't exactly planned this conversation out with a power point and handouts. He'd been hoping to play it by ear, but clearly, that hadn't turned out to be his best plan of action.

Putting up his hands, palms out, trying to stop Blaine from going off on him anymore than he already had. "Whoa, Blaine... Calm down, kiddo," Michael said, trying to catch a moment where he could get his thoughts together, drop back, and regroup. "Listen, son, I'm not trying to force you into talking about something you're not comfortable with. I just didn't want to suddenly jump down your throat with some morality rant about sex and what I think you should be doing. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, Blaine, but I'm trying to do the right thing here. But if you want me to talk, that's okay." Taking a deep breath, he put his hands down on the table in front of him and tried to focus on making sense to Blaine. "I guess my first thing is that I want you to know how important it is to me that you protect yourself. Condoms are not optional, ever. If you ever need condoms and can't get them, you let me know, son, and I'll make sure that you have them. I know of parents who were so set against their kids having sex that they refused to buy them condoms. And honestly, I think that's bullshit. My first priority is you and your safety. I love you, kiddo, and I never want you to end up in a bad situation that could've been prevented. And the other thing that's most important to me is that you wait until you're ready and it's going to be special. I never want you to have regrets about your sex life." He paused, meeting Blaine's gaze. "Is there anything specific you've wondered about, or any questions you have? I know you haven't really been able to ask anyone anything before, but I'm here, and I want you to ask anything you need to ask."

Blaine clamped his mouth shut, his cheeks still burning from the subject of conversation. Things had maybe gotten a little more intimate with Kurt lately. They weren't ready to take any more serious steps than kissing and cuddling, but when they had those moments they could indulge in that, it was getting more and more heated. Blaine had discovered he seriously, seriously loved kissing. He loved the little soft kisses, and he loved the deeper, longer kisses where Kurt wasn't at all shy about using his tongue. He loved feeling Kurt pressed up against him, and the warmth between their bodies when they did make out. He could see where his father was coming from trying to advise him here, but no way was he going to do all the work on his own sex talk if they had to sit down and survive through this. He hadn't been able to ask his dad for any advice before this, so there was no way this was going to be immediately easy for both of them.

He was nibbling on the corner of his lip as his thoughts had turned to kissing Kurt and how a few days before, he had felt Kurt aroused and hard against him for the first time. That was another thing that felt amazing, knowing he was doing that to Kurt without even trying. "You were the one who wasn't comfortable with all this, not me..." he had to point out in a small mumble, fighting the urge to sit there and pout about it. He wasn't deliberately being a brat but there was a lot of re-learning they both had to do here.

"I've... got condoms," he had to admit and became intent on picking at a tiny loose thread on the seam of his pants. "I just got them one day in case. And we are waiting. We've talked about it. I haven't even see Kurt without a shirt, we have a no-touch below the belt policy at the moment. We're both virgins, never really been sure about sex or known much about it, so we're taking it slow. But I do have a question... if the time comes, and we are ready, is it going to be weird for you if I have sex with Kurt here? In my bed. I won't be doing it in a Dalton dorm room. Not by a long shot."

Michael knew this was an uncomfortable conversation for any kid to be having with their parent, but just the same, it was one that was necessary, and might hopefully begin to repair the relationship between father and son. He'd tried for so long to keep his son from suffering the same fate as his late husband by trying to force him to be straight. But now, he knew that the only way Blaine was going to be kept safe was if Michael manned up and taught him how to protect himself when he was having sex.

Propping his elbows on the table, Michael nodded. "You're right, Blaine. It was me who was uncomfortable with it. And I let myself believe that I was doing the right thing because it was easier for me to put blinders on and pretend that what I saw right in front of me wasn't real, than to accept things as they were and remain a good dad. I could've been spending precious time with you, teaching you about the values I have concerning sex, helping you build your own, and making sure you knew how to protect yourself, and instead, I was just going on at you about how you should be straight. I know that's my fault, Blaine. But I'm trying to rectify as much as I can."

"That's good," Michael replied, watching Blaine as he started to talk a bit about his relationship with Kurt. "That's really good, Blaine. I'm proud of you for the choices you're making with Kurt. It sounds like you two really have your heads screwed on right with this relationship." The question his son asked was a very big one indeed, and Michael thought it over quietly for a moment or two, choking up just a little even thinking about the fact that the tiny baby boy he'd held in his arms all those years ago was old enough to be seriously asking about sex. "Blaine, if you and Kurt need somewhere safe to have sex for the first time, this is your home, and you two can definitely do that here. As long as I'm not going to get a call from Kurt's dad asking me what the hell I'm doing letting his son be deflowered under my roof." There was a slight hint of teasing in Michael's voice before he reached out to ruffle Blaine's hair. "Just... I can't emphasize it enough, Blaine. Take care of yourself. Protect yourself and Kurt. I love you, kiddo, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Blaine wriggled a little in his seat, much akin to how he might have when he was younger and need a pee. He was always a restless and wriggly kid, unless he was focused on something that he loved. Then he could sit for hours on end with it. This time, though, he was just still embarrassed and he knew that Kurt had been the same when his father sat him down like this too, so it wasn't just isolated to Blaine and his dad. It really had nothing to do with the gap between then they were trying to bridge, but that was still a little bit of an issue considering the hurdles with Blaine's sexuality.

"Dad, I..." He stopped before he continued, sighing a little as he looked down a his hands and played with his own fingers. "I wasn't ever just going to let anyone touch me. Not like that. Not... intimately. I know some kids my age would, and do, but after I got attacked, the things they said to me, the way they were holding me down, I... what I'm trying to say here is that this is a huge thing for me. To have found a guy I trust and adore enough to get close to me like that, it's not just some random thing. I don't just want people I don't know seeing me naked, or kissing me, or trying to touch my dick or ass. I don't want that. Like, at all. In fact, it sort of makes me feel sick when I think of strangers doing that to me... I don't trust strangers. It's why I don't want to go to parties, or bars, or do things like go to summer camp. I don't want people I don't know near me." It was yet another result of his attack, and something he hadn't really told anyone but Andrew and his therapist. It was the truth, though. Even at Dalton, he didn't even take his shirt off in the gym changing rooms or in front of his room mate.

He shook his head. "Kurt's dad has already given him the talk. He told him to wait until he was ready, and gave him pamphlets and stuff about being safe, and what you do when you have sex with guys. Kurt's not a guy to just throw himself around, Dad. At all. He's very modest, he takes care of himself, he dresses nice, he always smells amazing... he wears all these layers. Like, anything goes when he's performing, but the Kurt not putting on an act or a show, or playing a part? He's shy and modest. I don't think we'll be having sex for quite awhile, but when we do, we both know it will be when we're ready."

Edited 2012-09-09 06:40 (UTC)

The wriggling wasn't something Michael didn't catch, and he had to fight to hide the grin under the surface at the familiar scene. He'd lost count of the times his son had sat in that very chair, chocolate milk in front of him, wriggling like a little worm as he told Michael about his day, or asked him weird questions... Blaine had always been that kid with the weird questions about why beans made you fart, or why his hair was so curly, or if he could be friends with the Hanson brothers and play with them on the playground at school.

As Blaine admitted to his fears and insecurities, clearly working very hard to be able to open up about them to Michael, it was clear to the latter that he had a lot of work to do in helping Blaine get through all the pain he'd faced for so long. He didn't want Blaine to be afraid of people. Cautious, yes, but not afraid. "You're a good kid, Blaine. I think I always knew you'd be the kind of person who'd want his first time to be special. And I understand that, Blaine. What happened to you was a horrible thing, and something that no one ever deserves. And it breaks my heart, because you used to be so... You were so innocent, and you just innately saw the good in people. The fact that your innocence was taken from you that way is something that's always going to break my heart, kiddo. It hurts me more than you know. I wish with everything I have that I could've protected you from that. But you have no idea how happy it makes me that you've found someone like Kurt, who really seems to be kind and caring, and who you can trust. You need that, kiddo. Everybody needs that." It hit Michael in that moment that it was true that everyone needed someone they could trust, and on a deeper level, almost everyone needed a person they could share their life with, and love. Michael honestly missed that more than he knew how to say.

"Good." It was comforting to know that Kurt had a father who was concerned with his sex life, even if he wasn't gay. And then it hit Michael that he'd been shown up on the sex talk by a straight dad. He really needed to up his dad game in a hurry. "Blaine, I'm glad that you're mature enough to make good decisions about sex. I'm so proud of you. I can't tell you that enough. Because I didn't tell you that enough, and you deserve to know it. I'm proud every single day that you're my son." With a small, teasing smile, Michael patted Blaine's hand. "By the way. Pro tip? You'll get the hang of lube. There's a perfect amount. Too much feels weird, and too little hurts. Err on the side of too much until you get the hang of it."

Blaine was more than aware what his dad and his Uncle Brian and Uncle Justin, even Emmett had been like growing up. Even Cooper had quite the sexual history. Promiscuity was like a them in his family when they had been younger. Blaine knew about it because it wasn't like his Uncle Brian censored much of anything. He used to when Blaine was younger... sort of. But when Blaine was younger, he didn't really know what the talk was about to understand the references. As he got older and grew more and more into his sexuality once puberty set in, he began to understand what things like 'cocksucking' or 'barebacking' meant. It was probably a big part of why he got more and more curious, and what helped him to see that two guys together was okay. Not everyone had a mom and a dad. But he also knew from just walking down the street that not everyone liked two guys together, and with learning about and being gay, he also quickly learnt what homophobia was... especially when he was being a victim of it in the most horrific way. It was the slurs at school about fags and queers that made Blaine realise he should be wary in coming out.

But that was all over now. He was very much out and now he had his first boyfriend. He had his first boyfriend whom he was thinking about being naked with sometime in the future and wondering what sex with him would be like. He and Kurt both had a painful past that made them self-conscious about things. Made them want to have something special when it finally happened. He knew he was lucky to find that, and he hoped that when the time came to tell Kurt about his attack, Kurt would understand even more how much all this meant to him.

But still, his dad was trying to give him the sex talk and Blaine was scratching at the back of his neck again. "I've sort of made these decisions a long time ago and I know they're good decisions..." It just happened that this was the first time it was coming up with him and his father, which was making it awkward. "I just... um... don't know what it was you specifically want to tell me talking to me about all of this...? You're just sort of, um... dancing around things telling me I'm a good kid and you're proud of me again. Which we did at the hospital. Because if it was just the fact you saw Kurt and me snogging that spooked you into thinking he and I were going to jump into bed together, I can just promise that's not what it was and you don't have to feel awkward with this. I just really like kissing him. I've never had anyone to just kiss before. It's nice. He makes me feel good."

It caught Michael completely off guard when Blaine actually called him out for exactly what he'd been thinking. Only it really shouldn't have. Blaine had always been one of those kids who seemed instinctive when it came to realizing what other people were thinking, or feeling. And this was no exception to the rule. "Yes. It was that. Not that I just assumed you were some hobag who was going to jump into bed with the first guy to show you any attention, but then, Kurt's not that anyway. You've had attention, just... not a real relationship before. But I know you, Blaine. I know that you're not going to give yourself to somebody that you don't care about. I just wanted to make sure that you understood my feelings and values about sex."

Pausing for a moment, he added, "But the truth is, Blaine, you're not my little baby anymore. You're growing up. And as your dad, that's a really hard thing for me to realize and admit. But your values about sex may not be the same as mine. And as your dad, it's my job to learn to nurture you, no matter what your values are. I raised you right... No. Your family and I raised you right. All of us. Not just me. Your nana, your mom, and your uncles. And you know that when I was young, I started having sex pretty early, and not very... discreetly, I guess you could say. I've slept with a lot of people and made some really bad choices along the way."

He smiled just a little, as memories came flooding back... memories of Ben, and for the first time that Michael could remember, those memories came back without making him want to cry. "But your dad, kiddo? I knew when I was with him that no one else mattered. None of the guys in the past meant anything to me the way that your dad did. And I want your first time to be like that, not just your last. So I hope that when you and Kurt are ready, it can be him that's your first. Because he's a fantastic person, and it would be amazingly special for you to be each other's first. But yes. I have to admit... Seeing you guys all hot and heavy definitely shocked me... But Kurt is the kind of person I'd be proud to have as my son's first love... first everything. I just want you with someone good for you, Blaine. Someone who helps you through the hard times, and smiles with you through the good ones. Your dad was that person for me for a long time. We had an amazing life together. I loved him more than life itself, and he loved me, too. And in the end? Every step of the way, we made the choices we made because we loved each other so much. All that your dad wanted... more than anything else... Was to see me happy... to see me smile. And I felt the same way about him... It's this... This feeling that you get inside just to see the other person smile... It's like your whole world is right, because they're happy... We wanted each other happy..." He trailed off, that thought sinking in with a force that he hadn't quite expected. "And I think you and Kurt feel the same way toward each other."

Blaine shook his head and chewed on his lip. "Dad," he cut in quietly. "It's not about that, okay? Giving myself to someone, or any of that. Even if, sure, right now I do want that person to be Kurt at some point. But I'm really not ready. What I'm ready for is to get to know Kurt better and more intimately, in a different way than just friends. I'm ready to spend more time with him, and kiss him, and learn how it feels to cuddle him, and hold his hand when we're together. I haven't had any of those simple thing before. Sex really isn't going to happen soon. Thinking about it and acting on it are really different things. I don't even know what to do with a dick that isn't attached to me yet. I really care about Kurt, he means the world to me. This is one thing I want to get right in my life, and I don't want to screw that up by rushing all these experiences with him. He's the first person ever that I have felt like I want to know me inside and out. And I-I'm not talking in as in, um, you know... sex. I mean all my secrets, and all the stuff I went through, and all the things I don't like talking about to anyone. I want to share it with him, so when I think about it like that, the sex thing... it's not as big a deal for me as it would be for other people. I have other hurdles I need to figure out first."

"Kurt is all of that, Dad. I know I didn't know my dad like you did, but I know he must have been pretty awesome for you to marry him and want to have me with him. I know what you both did for Hunter. He told me everything. For the kids he taught too. I know all that, and I promise, Kurt has just a big a heart. Oh man, he can be such a bitch sometimes, but it's always with reason. Usually, he's so selfless. He puts everyone before himself and gets knocked down because of it. I've even knocked him down, and I feel awful for it. He just makes me feel all these things I don't quite understand yet, but I love being with him. I love being alone with him, and having private time with him where we don't share each other with anyone else. That was all you saw. Just us taking advantage of a quiet moment."

Michael had never been more proud of his son than he was right now. Despite everything Michael had done that could well have ruined Blaine and destroyed his spirit, he was sitting here, listening to Blaine explain very healthy choices and attitudes toward relationships... specifically his own relationship with Kurt. Blaine was a smart boy, and Michael knew that. "And sometimes knowing you're not ready takes a bigger man than being ready. Not that you're a very big man... You inherited that from your dad... But on a mental and spiritual level, you very much are. A very grown up guy, and that's hard for your old man to see. I still want you to be my little baby... And it throws me for a loop that you've grown up into a young man. But it sounds like you're making the best choices for you, so I'm not going to stand here and keep harping on it like I'm beating a dead horse."

There was something in Michael's heart that felt a large amount of comfort in the way that Blaine described Kurt. He nodded slowly, a slight smile parting his lips. "Your dad was... He was gentle and kind, and seriously the smartest man I've ever known. Intelligent and wise. And I loved him more than I have ever loved any person in this world. He wasn't perfect, not even close. And he would've been the first to tell you that. Maybe... if you wanted to, sometime... We could get out the old photo albums and look at pictures of him together? I could tell you more about him from my perspective. I know you heard from your nana and Hunter. But I never told you the Ben that I knew, and you deserve to know that, too. Blaine, I am so happy that you have a guy like Kurt in your life. My whole life I hoped and prayed that you would be safe and happy... And so many times you haven't been, and so much of that is my fault. But Kurt makes you smile when no one else can. That's a special thing, kiddo. Treasure that. Even when dickheads like your old man make it hard on you."

"We're both virgins. I guess that helps. We're not ready to just jump into anything, even though I know some people probably just want to toss their virginity away so it's over and done with. That's not me. Sex... sort of still scares me to think about. Sure, Kurt's amazing and he's totally hot, but if it came to the crunch and we decided to just do it, I think we would quickly realise we're not ready anyway. Thinking about is interesting and everything, but getting to that actual point, it's probably really scary and nervy. I know when I think about actually doing it, I'm not ready. Kurt isn't either. We have a lot to learn about ourselves, and then learn about each other. It's only early days. I love being with him and spending time with him. What we have now is enough so far, because we've never had it before." Blaine shrugged, knowing the situation is what it was. Being honest with himself, he knew that he couldn't understand the notion of just having sex for the hell of it. It was giving yourself to someone and letting them go places with you that were really private. He didn't just want that to be with anyone and for no reason.

He nodded slowly as he listened. "I'd like that. You never really talk much about him. I only really have the pictures on the walls, and even then, you took a lot of those down over the years. I just thought you never wanted to share that stuff with me. I don't know why. It's just how it felt." He turned and me his dad's eyes. "Dad, I just want to feel like someone wants me around. Like I don't have to try and be something I'm not for them to want to talk to me or have me in their presence. Kurt's always made me feel special, and when he looks at me, and listens to me, sometimes it feels like he's the only one who just gets me, even with things I don't even get about myself. I don't feel lost anymore and he makes me happy."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"He may not have a clue, he may not have style, but everything he lacks well he makes up in denial."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject