"Walking on ice, get it right once, you gotta mess it up twice..."

[zephyrnovotny]

Who? Andrew Pearson and Michael Novotny
What? That awkward moment when that's not the kind of rear-ending you were going for.
When? Immediately after THIS
Where? Not far from the Novotny-Anderson home

Fuck. Fuck was the only word Michael could think of as Blaine had stormed out of the kitchen and then out of the house, slamming the door behind him and taking off in his car. It had taken Michael a moment to recover from the shock of the information his son had just given him, but once he did, he was grabbing his phone and keys to head out of the house after him. He wasn't 100% sure where Blaine was going but he felt almost certain he could figure it out. Dammit, but things had been going so well, too. Maybe Michael was just destined to be a fuck-up of a father, and nothing would ever change that. But he didn't want that. He didn't want his kid to run away from him and not trust him, and he sure as hell didn't want to be that asshole dad that never got to see his kid when they were grown. Fuck, this whole thing was his fault, and maybe that sucked more than any of it.

As he pulled out of the driveway of their house, driving toward Liberty Avenue to make his way to the interstate, he fumbled with his phone, searching for the Blaine's contact in his call log. It hit him suddenly how far down the list Blaine's name was. He didn't know why in the world he'd ever let things get this far between him and his son. Fuck, where was Blaine's name in there?

But before he found his son's name, Michael glanced up in front of him, a string of profanity falling from his lips as he saw brake lights on the back of the car in front of him. His foot shifted instantly to the brake, and his tires screeched, but it was too little, too late, and he slammed into the back of the other car, somehow managing to bang his arm hard into the steering wheel, a loud hiss of pain his only response before his airbag deployed.

Comments

[zephyrnovotny]

"You didn't overstep any lines," Michael admitted quietly. "You acted out of concern for my son, and that's exactly what I asked you to do when you became his doctor." It was one of the few things Michael did remember clearly about the night he'd almost lost his son. How he'd stood there helplessly, begging Andrew to do whatever it took to save Blaine as he sobbed, convinced that those evil fuckers had killed his son, but begging God or whoever was listening not to take him away, not yet... Not until Michael had already died at a ripe old age. Not now. Andrew had been there, strong and calm in the situation, calling on all of his medical training, no doubt, to keep it together in the crisis situation, and he had given Michael his son back. "You saved him... More than once. When those fuckers beat him, and then again when he tried to... When he hurt himself... Andrew, I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. It's seriously fine. I'm... I'm sorry about your car, but it's better that you were there." Although exactly why that was, Michael wasn't even sure. He just knew that he was grateful.

Michael's dark eyes moved to watch the doctor's face, and it hit him hard when Andrew indicated that maybe he hadn't ever dealt with Ben's death. The fact was that, deep down, there was a part of Michael that knew that, and he moved his good arm to wipe his eyes, though not without a glare from the paramedic, who apparently was with Andrew on team "don't move too much." "I know that I'm messed up," Michael said finally. "I know that I'm a fucked up mess, and I'm not what my kid needs in a father right now. I'm just terrified... Terrified of what might happen to him, and terrified that if something else does happen, it'll be because I didn't do everything I could to protect him. But the thing is, I don't even know what I need to do to protect him anymore. And that scares me more than anything else. If I lose him, too... I can't. I can't lose my boy, Andrew. I can't."

[bad2theboner]

Andrew just listened quietly, not interrupting Michael as he spoke. It was the truth, though. All Andrew had ever done was act out of concern for Blaine from the moment his beaten, bloody and broken body showed up on a gurney that night on Andrew's shift. He had been having seizures in the ambulance, Andrew had been so convinced the poor kid was brain damaged and could be talking to the father sooner rather than later about shutting off life support. He had taken heavy beatings and kicks to the brain and back, he had been kicked in the groin, just narrowly missing his genitals which could have rendered him infertile. But Blaine had been a little trooper and once he pulled through that first night, his condition began to stabilise. He was critical for about a month following, but his case was one of those that mate Andrew feel lucky he ever chose to be a doctor. "For the record, your mother saved him the second time. She was the one who got her fingers down his throat and made him sick. We just pumped his stomach and made him to down charcoal solution to dilute any long-term damage of the pills. That's something she probably relives every day of her life."

"You're everything your kid needs in a father if you just stop pretending what is right there in front of your eyes and stop pushing him away. You've pushed him so far, he's started to believe it. He's started to believe you only care if he is everything you demand he should be. Do you know how stressful and damaging that can be on a kid? On any normal kid, even. You tell them something often enough, they believe it. Blaine's no normal kid. He has tried to be everything you want him to be, but he's orbiting out here in some lonely universe alone where there is no one to simply hug him when it all hurts too much. He's reached out to this kid at school and they've hooked up. If something else happens, Michael, you have to fucking grab your balls and be there for your son, not standing there wibbling that it might happen again. It might. I wish I could tell you that it wouldn't, but no one knows what is around the corner. And for Blaine, it's a whole lot of demons he is terrified of because he doesn't have his dad standing there at his side fighting with him against them. He has his dad on the same team as the demons. Only you can change that. I can't change it for you, Blaine can't change it. Only you can. So, he's gay and he has a boyfriend now. Why do you think that is? Because the kid accepted Blaine unconditionally and rather than telling him everything he shouldn't be, he said 'Hey, let's get up there and be us... together, and screw the haters'."

[zephyrnovotny]

That was something Debbie had never let Michael forget, either. How she'd been forced to stick her fingers down her beloved grandson's throat to keep the pills from taking effect and killing the boy. How maybe, if his father had loved and supported him the way he needed him to, Blaine wouldn't have ever gone so far and tried to take his own life. But the fact was, Michael had let his son down in so many ways. He'd failed to be the father that he should've been. The father that Ben would've wanted him to be.

"I want to do that," Michael confessed weakly. "I want to help my kid... I want to do the right thing by him and be a father he can trust to be there for him. Trust me, I know I've fucked up... Royally and often with Blaine. He's a good kid, and I've made him feel like he's not good enough for me, and that's fucking horrible. I know it is. But I want to stop being this way. I just... I need help, Andrew, because there's a hell of a lot of background here that needs to be dealt with. Things I need to face and move past for Blaine's sake. I can't help him if I can't get my head right, and it... It hasn't been for a very long time." The things Andrew was saying weren't things Michael hadn't heard before. Not by a long shot. He'd heard them from everybody. Debbie, Brian, Justin, even Hunter. But it had taken what happened with Blaine tonight for it to all come crashing down on Michael just how far he'd pushed his precious child away from him. He'd seriously hurt the most important person in his life time and time again, and there was nothing he could do to go back and change that, but for fuck's sake. He had to stop doing it, and soon or it would be too late. What if Blaine tried to hurt himself again, and this time, no one was there to save him? Or what if he grew up and wanted nothing to do with Michael anymore? Michael couldn't let that happen. And he would do whatever it might take to change things before he didn't have the option.

[bad2theboner]

Andrew didn't labour the point on Blaine's past suicide attempt. The poor kid had really worked hard in the wake of it with Lilah to get back on his feet, and really, it had just come when he felt like he couldn't cope with everything in the wake of his attack. Whilst he had been healing physically, mentally at the time he had been still weakened, especially following a brain injury. The brain injury meant Blaine had to face even more psychological therapy to get better, and the suicide attempt had been a bi-product of that. The physical progress he had made meant it masked the psychological distress. It happened so quickly, no one saw the signs. In fact, even Mrs Novotny had said that right before it happened, Blaine had been helping her in the garden tending to her deceased brothers roses. Then he went into the bathroom, and never came back out.

"It's not just a question of fucking up, Michael. It wasn't even technically fucking up, because you made the conscious decision for this to be the way you raised him. Being gay yourself, you knew inside you were somewhat betraying some of your own beliefs and some of who you are, but you thought it was protecting him. Blaine isn't going to wear any of this if you just repeatedly keep saying you fucked up like it was a mistake. I know it sucks and it's going to hurt, but you need to tell him that you made the wrong choices for the wrong reasons. It wasn't just fucking up. Okay? He needs to know you own the errors you made rather than just palming them off screw ups. It might not seem like there is any difference, but trust me. With Blaine, it will be a hell of a lot of difference. One is trying to lay blame on some past trauma for why you were like you were, but this? It's saying to him you were wrong and that will be a massive thing for him to hear. That you did get it wrong, but you now you want to get it right for him, and you want to listen to his own wants and needs, and take them on board rather than just dumping a whole lot of shit on him that you think is best. It's time to cut the crap, Michael, and listen to what your boy needs, from him," he told him, cutting straight to the chase finally.

[zephyrnovotny]

It hit Michael hard and fast what Andrew was getting at. There was no question in his mind that the young doctor was completely right. This wasn't just a matter of, "Damn, I bought the wrong brand of toilet paper by mistake." This was his kid's life. This was Blaine, and all the things that he needed from a father that Michael had chosen not to give him because he was fucking afraid. Because he had let something that happened the better part of twenty years ago get such a hold of him that it was the only basis he used for making decisions, even decisions that centered on his son's welfare. He had never intended on doing that to Blaine, but in the end, if not for his mother's quick thinking, Michael would have the guilt of his own son's death on his hands, and that was a sobering thought indeed.

He just stared up at the doctor in silence for a long few moments, his body sore and banged up from the accident, but far less miserable than his heart and mind as he processed through what Andrew was saying. "I will," he said, firmly and leaving no room to question how sure of this he was. "I'm going to be a father to my kid... Not some asshole he can't trust. I remember when he was a little guy... I'd hold him on my lap at night and read him stories, and I used to tell him, 'Nothing is ever going to make me stop loving you.' And he'd always give me this... This look with those eyes of his, and ask me to promise. I've never broken that promise, but I sure as hell have made Blaine feel like I did."

[bad2theboner]

Andrew didn't want to labour the point. He did want to drive the point home, but there was no need to flog the dead horse when it was already sinking into Michael the enormity of everything and how important it was to start to pick up the pieces with Blaine. Blaine was a smart kid and he was tough too. A fighter, through and through. But it wouldn't ever take much to tip him back over the edge and he was still suffering post-traumatic issues in the wake of his attack. He and his father had to deal with this as a team, and Andrew was relieved that Andrew was finally starting to see this. He did wish things hadn't gotten awkward in the process, but Andrew was like a dog with a bone himself. He had Blaine's welfare and best interests at heart, and at the end of the day, Blaine was the number one priority here. Michael's past was tragic and very sad, but he had a child to protect now, just in different ways that he original thought he should or he might very well lose someone else he loves.

"Don't just be his father, dude. Be his dad. Any man can be a father, but there is only one person who can be his dad," Andrew said with a small smile and gave Michael's uninjured shoulder a small squeeze. They were pulling into the drive of the emergency department and Andrew shifted so they would be able to get the stretcher out of the ambulance. "Get some rest, dude. I'll be with you inside as soon as I sign my life away. I'm not on shift, so I have to do some sweet-talking. In the meantime, while you wait, use it to sit and process the fact your kid has a boyfriend, and it sounds like it's the real deal. Because that will take a whole new level of being a dad right there."